CROSSING THE BRIDGES OF OUR LIVES

Me and Kenny

I made it!

I HAVE SO MUCH I WANT TO SAY, I don't know where to begin.  Let me start with saying how THANKFUL I am to feel as good as I do.  I truly feel like I "crossed a bridge" over the last few weeks to a renewed self.  Vacation was truly a needed and rejuvenating time which helped in the crossing of that bridge.  While we're talking bridges...I'm proud to say I conquered another personal milestone by swallowing my fear and walking across the mile-high swinging bridge at Grandfather Mt., NC.  This, as some of you who shall remain nameless will remember, is the bridge I couldn't continue to cross almost ten years ago and had to literally crawl back the miserable ten feet or so with a panic attack as my then younger sons ran on ahead to my horror.

On this current trip as my husband kept mentioning his desire to go back to Grandfather Mt., I quietly and mentally prepared myself to not let it conquer me this time.  Perhaps silly to some, but I wanted to use it as a personal and symbolic representation of what I had overcome through breast cancer by getting to the other side, all the while fearing I might freeze up again.  Not allowing myself to think too hard about it as we got to the bridge that day, I set out across before I could change my mind.  Signs clearly stated "40 PERSON MAX", to which no one (but me) seemed to be adherring.  My oldest, Tyler, found it hilarious to shake the bridge and make scary statements while walking in front of me, but I kept my head down and walked fast and sure.  I WAS VICTORIOUS!  I then had no desire or energy to climb to the top of the mountain lookout with the rest of the family, but was content to sit at the bridge's end and relish in my personal accomplishment.  

I WAS SURPRISED AT THE AMOUNT OF ENERGY I did have considering where I was just a month ago.  While I did sit out on some rougher hikes and the white-water rafting (I knew my arms would not allow that one), I biked, ate, waded in streams, ate, walked, ate, hiked (with multiple stopping, wheezing, and panting, lol) even rode on the back of a four-wheeler with my husband up the mountain.  By the way, on that day, I decided I was more of an "indoorsey girl".

Oh...and did I mention...ate.  Food tastes good again ya'll, which might not be such a good thing.     

Jammin' on the front porch

I'VE READ SO MANY GOOD BOOKS over the last year.  (I'm sharing the names at the top right of the blog.)  One I'm reading now by Don Piper is on finding earthly joy in any situation.  The central theme he talks about is, ironically, crossing bridges in our lives from the lives we once knew, to the new lives we find ourselves in for whatever reason.  He encourages through his book to dry the tears and embrace where God has you now and use it - find your "new normal", which is a term often thrown at breast cancer survivors, to the dislike of some.  I'm SO GRATEFUL that in many ways my new normal is even better than the old me.  I still live with some limitations, frustrations, and aches and pains.  And even as a follower of Christ living by faith, I will unfortunately live with the looming threat of a cancer reoccurrence no matter everything I've done and continue to do to prevent it.  I understand that, but will choose as best as I can not to fear it.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.  2 Timothy 1:7 

  

Me and our sweet niece Sarah

Learning woodworking from my father-in-law

Me and sister-in-law Michelle

Our campsite on edge of mountain