TO PINK OR NOT TO PINK

Last year's 2011 Making Strides Walk

THE MONTH OF "PINK" promoting breast cancer awareness has ended.  Personally, I've encountered a myriad of thoughts, feelings, and emotions as a result of all the focus on this, my personal cancer.  First, on the sometimes contraversial subject of everything pink, I will give my 2-cents for what its worth.  I'm in no way in the trenches as a breast cancer activist against this or that.  I've just made it into the "survivor" camp at this point in the game, but I appreciate and admire all those who fight to see things done "right" for the benefit of the cause.  I can understand the frustration at all the companies making a profit selling their pink garb and trinkets this time of year, many of them not giving back the proceed percentage to the cause as they might claim.  In other words, your donation dollar goes MUCH FURTHER when you donate directly toward breast cancer as through the American Cancer Society (who sponsors Making Strides), and I plead with each of you who can, to do just that before it becomes a distant memory on your to-do list.

HAVING SAID THAT, I'm fully aware that many of us may never make that conscientious step, but WILL on the spur of the moment, make an impulse purchase of that breast cancer t-shirt, or that pink bracelet or keychain at the check-out counter of our favorite store, or even wear pink at work on designated days.  For these efforts I applaud as well.  As a breast cancer survivor I can tell you, the support feels AWESOME, feeling that your struggle is acknowledged and remembered in even little ways.  I believe ANYTHING that furthers awareness of this deadly disease and shakes each of us out of our self-absorbed busy lives is a positive.  If you wearing pink one day encourages that one woman to make her mammogram appt. that week, or take seriously that lump she's been feeling, or get her diabetes under control...then I don't care where you purchased your "pink"...it was worth it!

Kenny shaving my head last Dec.
Finally brave enough to show you all.

FOR MYSELF, WHILE CERTAINLY ENCOURAGING, ALL THE EMPHASIS HAS INDEED BEEN SOBERING AT TIMES.  Hearing the stories of reoccurrence or death from metastatic breast cancer sticks a knife in my stomach each time I hear them.  This month has brought back memories of this past year and emotions I had recently become too busy to dwell on.  This of course, is a good thing in many ways, but at the same time, I never want to forget where God has brought me from, otherwise I will find myself stressing over or getting frustrated over the small things just like before.  For example, since cancer, I'm more comfortable with myself where other people are concerned.  Less intimidated I guess you could say.  Being a student in the medical profession and still learning, its very easy to get overly nervous or self-conscious, especially the old me.  Now I'm finding myself reminding myself - "HEY, I'VE BEEN THROUGH HELL THIS PAST YEAR AND SURVIVED - WHO CARES WHAT OTHERS THINK, AS LONG AS I'M REPRESENTING MYSELF AND CHRIST THE BEST I CAN WITH HIS HELP."  I'm also reminded daily of why I entered this profession in the first place, not to necessarily advance or climb the ladder of skill as quickly as I can to prove my worth, but to be in a place of encouragement to sick and hurting people.  Do you know that I encounter breast cancer survivors  EVERY DAY I'm working at clinicals?  There are too many to count, but I'm glad to hold a few hands along the way.

A FINAL NOTE ON A MILESTONE REACHED THIS PAST WEEK.  I've cut off the last tips of my black and green fingernails which symbolized new beginnings yet again.  No more mandatory finger nail polish required or hiding my nails so they don't appear like dirty fingernails.  YAAH!  Once again, it's the little things!