WATCHING GRASS GROW

HI FAMILY AND FRIENDS!  Activity since my last surgery has been picking up gradually and steadily.  I feel much better, yet my body has a long way to go.  As far as life in the breast cancer world (or I gladly should say "post cancer" world) it has been about walking out the remaining symptoms on a daily basis and dealing with the surprising emotional roller coaster that has emerged in these final hours of the saga.  Here's where things are:

MY FINGERNAIL BEDS are a nasty black/green color and my nails seem to be holding on for dear life.  This is a side effect from the chemo-induced neuropathy.  Some days I wish they'd just go ahead and fall off if they're going to.  Aside from them looking horrible, showing through even the darkest of nail polishes (I'm trying chocolate brown next) they feel weird and loose but thankfully don't hurt as bad as they did.  I have to also be careful not to get them infected, wearing gloves in the kitchen with raw meat, etc.  The neuropathy pain in general in my hands, feet and legs is improving, praise the Lord.   Nighttime can still be the hardest especially after I've been on my feet and legs actively that day, but again, getting better and not needing to rely on the strong pain meds I once did.

CHEST TIGHTNESS since last surgery is, truthfully, worse than I imagined at this stage in the game.  I guess I had dreamy visions of feeling like a typical "boob job" patient who'd never had to have a mastectomy, or like my old self at least.  My plastic gave me a massage regimen to control the scar tissue which my body LOVES to make - supposed to do it every day for the rest of my life.  Really?!?  He also tells me my mind will adjust to the "new norm" of how it feels, some women take 3-5 years.  Really?!?  But, again, it IS BETTER than the tissue expanders and even with all I've been through in the reconstruction area, I'm sure I'd probably make the same decision again.

THE ARMS, THE ARMS, THE ARMS!  As many of you know this has been an area of constant prayer and need.  It was again in these last couple months.  After researching online in frustration after exercises seem to only make it tighter and worse right before surgery, I finally found a name for the particular issues I was having.  AXILLARY WEB SYNDROME.  Its newly understood by the medical establishment, some debate over the true cause, and has been a frustration for many breast cancer patients struggling with it who can't get answers.  Basically, its when the scar tissue after lymph node removal and mastectomy causes "cording" (think hard wires/cords) starting in the armpit (axilla) and running like vines down the inside of your elbow all the way to the wrist sometimes, which mine did.  It is painful, extremely limits your range of motion, even changes the look of your arms - you can see the cords causing dimpling bumpy areas.  This is different than normal post-mastectomy range of motion issues than can affect your shoulder without proper p.t.  AWS often requires specialized massage and manipulation by a trained lympathic p.t. who basically uses force to POP those cords of scar tissue to break them up, like breaking up ice.  This is what I went for two weeks in a row back to Scottie Bull in Leesburg (wonderful lady).  Being a lymphadema specialist she knows best how to mess with my arms in an attempt to minimize risk of lympadema swelling that might occur.  I was bruised and it hurt like heck, but I was SO GLAD to have an answer, AND it was remarkable to see the cords disappear afterward.  Now I can continue my stretching exercises like normal to help keep things loose.  On the flipside, my upper arms have felt tight, heavy and uncomfortable since then like they did after my first surgery.  I'm convinced it was slight lymphadema swelling from the workout they got, but it is getting better.  I focused on arm exercises in the ocean this weekend (which is the best thing for lymphadema).  I've prayed the Lord just take this away.  Its a constant battle and you HAVE to be your own health advocate carefully utilizing trusted sources as well as breast cancer forums where women help other women by sharing their stories.  That's where I found out about AWS.            

I'M SO THANKFUL my recent days are also filled with realizing that I'm on the other side of the mountain and enjoying things I don't take for granted now, like tasting and enjoying food again, getting away on vacation, drinking more water, taking evening walks with my husband to stay active, and only having to keep up with a couple of pills a day versus multiple regimens.  The follow-up doctor visits are simpler as well for the most part.  I'll see my oncologist again Thursday but at last visit my bloodwork was clear of cancer.  PTL!  Tamoxifen pills so far have only given me increased hot flashes, which are no fun, but I can live with them.  I enjoyed a wonderful weekend at the beach with my family.  SO GOOD to do something other than CANCER.  I even threw off the hat and let my almost bald head show to the beach world, and you know, I didn't even care!  You know the old expression - "WATCHING GRASS GROW"?  Well that's what I'm doing with my hair, and about that speed!