2ND CHEMO

MONDAY WAS MY 2ND CHEMO INFUSION down in Tampa.  Kenny had to be away for the night so Cayler my youngest son escorted his beloved mom for the day to her treatment.  Definitely not a fun day for either of us.  The place seemed unusually crowded and stuffy the minute we entered the waiting area, and seemed like we had to wait a long time just to get called back.  For the record, I'll be trying out Florida Cancer Specialists' other location near USF on my next visit which should be newer and roomier at least.  After going through the regimen of drawing blood, vitals, seeing the PA (this time) then heading back to the infusion area which again was packed, we finally found a recliner and Cayler ended up sitting half the four hours on the floor next to me, bless his heart.  He was very helpful and courteous to me and the other patients around us.  The nurses were great as usual and hustling to keep up with the constant beeping of the IV pumps needing attention.  My hemoglobin was down some indicating I might be becoming anemic if it goes down much more, in which case they would give me iron pills or an infusion I was told.  Haven't heard anymore so I'm hoping that meant it was in the safe.

BY MONDAY NIGHT I was starting to feel the crud coming on.  After getting sick to my stomach, I began my strict med regiment for the next few days.  Tuesday was rough, Wednesday was rougher, and I've felt really sore in my arm and underarm tightness for about a week now, not sure why...that area is a constant battle.  Nurse Kenny did a good job administering my Neulasta shot on Tuesday night when he returned home and it must have kicked in because it makes your bones ache by the next day.

GRATEFULLY today, Thursday, I felt pretty dang good for a chemo week; so much so that we drove to the American Cancer Society store in Leesburg where we had a private room to try on tons of wigs of which I could choose a few to take home free of charge.  The volunteer, Nancy, was kind and patient and left us alone to take our time.  I did find a few wigs I liked and some we just HAD A GOOFY TIME WITH FOR FUN!  Not sure how much I'll want to wear them.  I'm leaning toward being a scarf/bandana girl because it feels so much better.  Nancy also showed me bins of hats, scarves, and turbans for me to go through and fill a bag to take home.  This is a wonderful benefit offered to cancer patients and I'll be happy to donate back my hats, wigs and scarves when I'm finished to help other patients.  Kenny and I enjoyed lunch, rested some at home, then grocery shopped a little, and I was so glad to feel like participating in this day.  


PRAYING FOR continued good days.  Thanks to each one of you for taking the time to read the blog either weekly or even occasionally and for all the kind and encouraging comments you so often leave.  They make me smile!  By the way...this last wig was Kenny's idea!          

"YORK PEPPERMINT HEAD"

THIS PAST WEEK was my 3rd and "good" week, and I DID feel much better and tried to make the best of it.  Monday I attended a free event in Eustis for cancer patients put on by the American Cancer Society called "Look Good Feel Better" which is an intimate workshop setting where you learn from volunteers about skin care during chemo, applying makeup and fake eyebrows, how to tie scarves, etc.  It was nice, not as good as I imagined, but I did walk away with tons of makeup samples from different cosmetic companies which was great and met two very sweet older ladies going through similar struggles with cancer.  Tuesday afternoon was Christmas goody-making with Sami into the evening, choir practice for the Christmas cantata on Thursday night, Christmas shopping on Saturday, etc.

MY SISTER accompanied me to my plastic surgeon appt. on Thursday where the news was not so great.  That story I will save for another day after another follow-up visit with him for some much needed confirmation!!  But...enjoyed the day and lunch with her.

AND THEN THERE'S THE HAIR...OR LACK OF!!!  Just as promised by my oncologist this was the week it began to REALLY fall out and by Friday morning in the shower it was quite dramatic and emotional for me, I'm not gonna lie.  Kenny too, for that matter.  After coming to my rescue in the shower he said it looked like a cat had died in the shower floor.  Now I looked just sick and scary, half-bald and half-haired.  I had wanted to hold off until Friday night after we picked up our sons from the airport from visiting their grandfather in NC, to somehow make the "big shave" a "fun family event".  I don't think the guys were as into that idea as their mom, which was just as well because by an hour before heading to the airport, I couldn't take it another minute...the itchiness, the soreness, the hair EVERYWHERE FALLING at the slightest touch.  Kenny and I loaded up for CVS with a cap on my head, bought some electric clippers, and headed home to do the deed.  He was feeling so bad for me, but by that time, MY overriding feeling was anxiousness to get it done.  He shaved it down as far as he could, but we still had stubble, so after trying the beard trimmer next, we even tried the razor until we decided that wasn't such a great idea...very uncomfortable to my sore head AND too much risk of infection.

I BELIEVE it was again that grace of God coming through at the moment I needed it.  I have to say...it was quite a bizarre and life-changing thing as a woman to see yourself bald for the first time in your life.  I was even BORN with hair and as women, hair is such a BIG part of our lives like it or not.  From the moment we are little girls, brushing each other's hair and wearing ribbons and barettes; and into womanhood, finding the latest style, crying over a bad haircut or color, spending hours in the mirror over the years getting it just right.  And we won't even talk about the teenage years which for me a teen of the 80's meant BIG FARRAH FAWCETTE FEATHERED HAIR!  Then to be...what seems like at first "freakishly baldheaded", sets even the strongest woman back a little when she gazes into the mirror.

THANKFULLY, I'M ALMOST OVER IT ALREADY!  I say almost because I know feelings will ebb and flow.  Feels even kind of neat at moments - like letting the nice hot shower water run down my head, then stepping out of the shower, it feels instantly cool, like your head's a big York Peppermint Patty.  I haven't gotten motivated to buy the wig yet, perhaps I will.  Perhaps I'm being rebellish in my own way.  I strapped on a pretty colorful scarf (which probably screamed "CANCER") and walked the crowded mall Saturday, and yes...I could feel the stares, especially standing in the three-hour line at Bath and Body, but just tried to ignore them.  A bandana to the airport, pink ball cap (compliments of my niece) to choir practice, and even donned a red 20's style hat on Sunday for the cantata, which itched pretty badly I must say, and bumped everyone's face when I tried to give hugs, but looked ok, I guess.

I'll just try to think of myself as tough Demi Moore in "GI Jane" everytime I look in the mirror at my round slick head.  I'm not brave enough yet to display for you our pix we took of my new style.  Maybe one day, I will be.



           

FRUSTRATING WEEK #2

WEEK #2 HAS JUST ENDED and it was, in a word...frustratingly uncomfortable.  I guess that was actually two words.  I call it week #2 meaning 2nd week after my first chemo infusion.  As I've shared with  several who've asked, in many ways I found it harder than week one right after the chemo.  Mainly because, and perhaps my expectations were too high, but I felt JUST ENOUGH better to feel like I wanted to do more, yet still had many of the ongoing symptoms from week one and some news doosies to add to the list.  I found it mentally frustrating and discouraging, and a little frightening knowing I'm just on the threshold of this "chemo thing" and have seven more cycles and 6 months to go of this.  I would think many times while feeling crappy and sorry for myself of the people much worse than I, and become amazed at how they cope and find that MENTAL strength (because this week was as much a mental as physical struggle).  So, I apologize in advance to those for my whining, but I decided from the start to be as honest and true as possible with my blog and my feelings, so this is the cold hard truth.  Perhaps I WAS just feeling well ENOUGH to not depend on my God more, at least at times.  I'm not sure.

BIGGEST PHYSICAL COMPLAINT was a raw throat, esophagus and into the stomach.  I knew to expect this because those are areas of constant regenerative cell growth which is exactly what chemo targets and destroys (like hair, and of course, cancer cells).  I told a friend...you're not supposed to "feel" your esophagus, but I DO, and it feels irritated, sore (kind of like indigestion with a sore throat) giving you a sick feeling all over.  This would come and go, which was weird.  I drank yogurt milk shakes, hot cocoa, soup, gargled Biotene mouthwash, chewed Hall's Breezer candies, chugged Pepto Bismol out of the bottle, and even tried Maalox.  Ok...that was horrible even chilled.  Tastes like you're drinking your toothpaste spit by the cupful.  Yuk!  Nausea waves came and went this week, but not too bad.  Sores popped up by the numbers on my legs, and I'll save you the other whining symptoms because I'm even starting to bore myself.  My sister did make me homemade cookies Tuesday night which was a treat.

I HAD BLOODWORK DONE Monday, which has to be done weekly, at Bushnell Medical.  Their lab faxes results to my oncology clinic which saves me a trip to Tampa just for bloodwork on the in-between weeks.  One of my nurses called late Tuesday, and after playing phone tag with her all day Wednesday, she finally told me my white blood cell count had plummeted to 1.2 (normal range 4.2-10) and asked me what my symptoms were and did I have fever.  She also encouraged me to stay away from crowds, wash hands religiously, etc.  This after I spent most of Wednesday (with the help of a pain pill) enjoying a day with my son shopping Ocala for his girlfriend's birthday gift, which included the Mall, Target, and Walmart, THE GERM CAPITAL OF THE WORLD!  Truthfully though, I was glad I didn't know because it was such a nice day I would have hated to miss it.  I did, however, quarantine myself in the house for the next few days once again feeling crappy.  Friday, we drove to Tampa to have more blood drawn and checked and, PRAISE THE LORD, the wbc count had risen to 8 which meant I could venture out for the weekend and to church on Sunday.  The Neulasta shot is supposed to help keep wbc count from dropping so low.  Nurses commented it may have just taken longer to take effect this time.  Hoping for better results next round.

NOW TO THE HAIR, which is the last thing I'll mention.  I don't know who scratched more this week, me or my golden retriever with her skin condition.  My hair fell out more and more and with it my head itched and itched and hair follicles became sorer.  I finally decided, after stressing my poor husband out with my indecisiveness, that I would chop my thick hair off short as a bridge to my inevitable baldness.  My dear sweet hairdresser Edith patiently cut my hair into a cute punky style I had chosen in a picture, both of us knowing it would probably only last a few weeks at best.  I'm glad I did it and I think it will be easier this way.  My sons and husband were very complimentary and supportive except for the "looks like Susie Orman" comment, I guess.  Edith volunteered to come to my house when I was ready for the "big shave" if I would like her to.  Praying and hoping for a good week #3!!!!!    

1ST WEEK OF CHEMO

I SURVIVED THE FIRST WEEK OF CHEMO!!  I took the advice given and tried to keep lots of fluids going.  Kenny helped me by constantly asking..."Are you drinking?"  I guess that could be taken in two ways.  Also, kept the meds going and napped a lot which is all you pretty much feel like doing.  I was thankful I only hurled a handful of times and pretty much ate what everyone else was eating but very limited amounts and sometimes slightly altered in spice level.  Stomach issues fluctuated from one extreme to the other, I'll save you the details.  Felt mostly like I had the flu all over and a heavy head.  I think I noticed the "chemo fog" a few times, too...couldn't get a grasp on my thoughts, but that's not too different than normal times either.  I did develop a reddish flushed look in my face and chest all week which ironically gave me some color probably accounting for some of the nice compliments I received at the church dinner tonight about how good I looked.

MY NURSE FRIEND, Sharon, graciously came to the house Tuesday and gave Kenny his first lesson in giving me the Neulasta shot at home.  This will build my white blood cells to help fight infections and save us one trip of many to Tampa.  We gave it in the belly which was a breeze, he did good.  Side effects from the Neulasta were bone aches which I mostly noticed in the face and jaw.  Not too bad.

FRIDAY was probably my worst day as far as feeling like crap and staying in bed most of the day, then by Saturday, I woke feeling much better.  Kenny and I went hat and scarf shopping at Kohl's and TJMax in Ocala.  Something about shopping energized me and I even knocked out a few relatives' gifts on my list while out.

Kinda cute

cute for a beagle

depressing

stylish

"you talkin' to mee"

looks better in person

COME THIS MORNING, I woke feeling crappy again.  Ended up staying home from church which I wasn't happy about, but saved my energy for tonight where our church "roasted" and financially supported a dear friend who left our church to begin pastoring a small church for his first time.  As always, blessed and overwhelmed by the love and support of our church family.

PRISCILLA'S EMBARRASSING STORY!

FIRST OF ALL TO CHECK IN, I'm slowly feeling better.  My head feels like it weighs as much as a bowling ball; little pukey this morning, but trying to do few things today while I'm up and down.  Priscilla, a/k/a Mawmaw left for Kentucky this morning after her 3 week stay.  She was sad to leave but joked that she had to go home and rest.  I think our family pace wore her out - but she hung in there!

Several have asked about her funny story regarding her solo plane trip from KY to FL several weeks ago.  I promised I'd include her journal entries in the blog, so here it is in her own words......  She's quite the writer in her own right, and journaled this on the plane ride.

Nov. 13, 2011
Lord have mercy!  What an experience I have had today!  Kenny, Dina and the boys and the whole family for that matter, will get a belly laugh out of my famed Florida trip to visit 2 weeks and 5 days, thanks to my loving son & daughter-in-law.  


Bill and I arrived in Owensbora on time (about 1 1/2 hrs. before flight - thank goodness!)  I had to pee so I go straight to the bathroom with my 2 carry on bags (bag and huge purse conveniently filled with my needed stuff.)  I come out of the bathroom looking for Bill who had my other bag still in the car (I thought).  He was going to park the car and bring it in.  I'm still looking for Bill and I as I am I spot a piece of lone luggage sitting inside door to the second entrance.  My Lord!  it's mine - he had brought it in, left it there, and went on to park the car.  I grabbed it up with my other precious items and luggage as I spot Bill strolling into the building!  


Now I proceed to the line where all are emptying the little gray boxes to be checked.  I'm concerned at how much of my stuff will go back with Bill.  One elderly man ahead of me falls flat upon his butt as he tries to take his shoes off for inspection.  Finally - its my turn.  I unload all my lovely belongings along with shoes and luggage that I hope will pass inspection, all the while, holding in my clutches my itinerary that Michelle had gotten off the internet.  I go through the little lit doorway with Miss "It Better Be Right" standing there edging me onward.  She says do you have your ID (Driver's License or passport).  I hand her my drivers license after fishing it out of the little gray box which holds the huge bag I brought.  She says, "where is your book pass" or something like that.  I assure her it is in her hand with my ID.  "No, that is your itinerary only, you have to gather all your bags and go back up front an get your pass."  No problem!  The attendant gathers all my precious stuff and I head back up to the desk after handing Bill my bags, etc.  I am barefoot by the way as my shoes are still in the little gray box.  I go to the desk, get pass and start to the back of the line when they so kindly escort me to the front of the line since they see my embarrassment and confusion all combined with frustration at how stupid I look - barefoot and all!  Now I'm in line and the kind man that inspects the bags coming through looks at my carry on and says, "Oh, but that bag will never fit the overhead.  It is way too fat (like me, I'm thinking to myself!).  In my constant humiliation I look at him and say, "you have got to be kidding me."  Although I had wondered myself about it.  I did weigh it at home and it was under the weight limit but still not acceptable.  Now I must take everything back to the desk and have my bag go on the plane with other luggage.  How much I ask, and by this tie I'm thinking, "Florida and my son will not be getting a visit from me.  The young man plus everyone else in the airport by now sees my humiliation waning into a "oh well, who cares attitude!"- still barefooted as any Florida girl could be.  The young man says "no charge", and I'm thinking, thank you Lord, since I didn't have the money to pay for a bag to go on that way.  So now, I have 2 bags and I head back to the other desk, the man who knows me well by now is waiting.  He gets me ahead of a lady who like everyone else, knows me and my routine of stupid.  Finally, I let my stuff go through thinking, "Lord, please not anything else or I will go back home."  Miss "Better Be Right" lets me through and I turn to see Bill standing behind the lines waiting to see if I can actually board this flight.  He can't cross the line and I can't go to him to give him a good-bye hug or kiss so we just wave and I'm left to hopefully find a seat and wait for the plane to start boarding.  By this tie, a half a dozen people or so are asking with a grin of amusement, "well, you finally got through?"  All being very genteel and kind.  I will say, except for the Miss "Better Be Right" (and she was really not that bad after all- I was a little stupid anyway), all the attendants were wonderfully accommodating and friendly.  Thank God!  Or I would have been a disaster.  Now I'm waiting to board thinking, "did I zip my luggageback (on my fat bag) 


Thank you Lord for the humor and for Kenny's thoughtful prayer it was surely needed and heard!