FRUSTRATING WEEK #2

WEEK #2 HAS JUST ENDED and it was, in a word...frustratingly uncomfortable.  I guess that was actually two words.  I call it week #2 meaning 2nd week after my first chemo infusion.  As I've shared with  several who've asked, in many ways I found it harder than week one right after the chemo.  Mainly because, and perhaps my expectations were too high, but I felt JUST ENOUGH better to feel like I wanted to do more, yet still had many of the ongoing symptoms from week one and some news doosies to add to the list.  I found it mentally frustrating and discouraging, and a little frightening knowing I'm just on the threshold of this "chemo thing" and have seven more cycles and 6 months to go of this.  I would think many times while feeling crappy and sorry for myself of the people much worse than I, and become amazed at how they cope and find that MENTAL strength (because this week was as much a mental as physical struggle).  So, I apologize in advance to those for my whining, but I decided from the start to be as honest and true as possible with my blog and my feelings, so this is the cold hard truth.  Perhaps I WAS just feeling well ENOUGH to not depend on my God more, at least at times.  I'm not sure.

BIGGEST PHYSICAL COMPLAINT was a raw throat, esophagus and into the stomach.  I knew to expect this because those are areas of constant regenerative cell growth which is exactly what chemo targets and destroys (like hair, and of course, cancer cells).  I told a friend...you're not supposed to "feel" your esophagus, but I DO, and it feels irritated, sore (kind of like indigestion with a sore throat) giving you a sick feeling all over.  This would come and go, which was weird.  I drank yogurt milk shakes, hot cocoa, soup, gargled Biotene mouthwash, chewed Hall's Breezer candies, chugged Pepto Bismol out of the bottle, and even tried Maalox.  Ok...that was horrible even chilled.  Tastes like you're drinking your toothpaste spit by the cupful.  Yuk!  Nausea waves came and went this week, but not too bad.  Sores popped up by the numbers on my legs, and I'll save you the other whining symptoms because I'm even starting to bore myself.  My sister did make me homemade cookies Tuesday night which was a treat.

I HAD BLOODWORK DONE Monday, which has to be done weekly, at Bushnell Medical.  Their lab faxes results to my oncology clinic which saves me a trip to Tampa just for bloodwork on the in-between weeks.  One of my nurses called late Tuesday, and after playing phone tag with her all day Wednesday, she finally told me my white blood cell count had plummeted to 1.2 (normal range 4.2-10) and asked me what my symptoms were and did I have fever.  She also encouraged me to stay away from crowds, wash hands religiously, etc.  This after I spent most of Wednesday (with the help of a pain pill) enjoying a day with my son shopping Ocala for his girlfriend's birthday gift, which included the Mall, Target, and Walmart, THE GERM CAPITAL OF THE WORLD!  Truthfully though, I was glad I didn't know because it was such a nice day I would have hated to miss it.  I did, however, quarantine myself in the house for the next few days once again feeling crappy.  Friday, we drove to Tampa to have more blood drawn and checked and, PRAISE THE LORD, the wbc count had risen to 8 which meant I could venture out for the weekend and to church on Sunday.  The Neulasta shot is supposed to help keep wbc count from dropping so low.  Nurses commented it may have just taken longer to take effect this time.  Hoping for better results next round.

NOW TO THE HAIR, which is the last thing I'll mention.  I don't know who scratched more this week, me or my golden retriever with her skin condition.  My hair fell out more and more and with it my head itched and itched and hair follicles became sorer.  I finally decided, after stressing my poor husband out with my indecisiveness, that I would chop my thick hair off short as a bridge to my inevitable baldness.  My dear sweet hairdresser Edith patiently cut my hair into a cute punky style I had chosen in a picture, both of us knowing it would probably only last a few weeks at best.  I'm glad I did it and I think it will be easier this way.  My sons and husband were very complimentary and supportive except for the "looks like Susie Orman" comment, I guess.  Edith volunteered to come to my house when I was ready for the "big shave" if I would like her to.  Praying and hoping for a good week #3!!!!!