TIME TO MAKE STRIDES

2011 MAKING STRIDES

MAKING STRIDES AGAINST BREAST CANCER WILL BE HELD SAT., NOV. 3RD AT SILVER SPRINGS, FL.  WE HAD A GREAT TEAM LAST YEAR AND PLAN TO WALK AGAIN.  IF YOU WOULD BE INTERESTED IN JOINING US, YOU CAN REGISTER AS A WALKER ON "TEAM DINA" AT http://makingstrides.acsevents.org/site/PageServer?pagename=MSABC_FY13_FindAnEvent

WE'RE KEEPING THE T-SHIRTS FROM LAST YEAR, BUT IF YOU NEED ONE, LET ME KNOW THIS WEEK.  THEY ARE $7, OTHERWISE, YOU CAN WEAR SOMETHING PINK, WHITE, OR BLACK.  THE WALK STARTS AT 8:30 AM, BUT WE TRY TO MEET THERE AROUND 8 AM.  CONTACT ME FOR MORE INFO. OR VISIT THE WEBSITE.  THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR YOUR SUPPORT TO STOP THIS DEADLY CANCER FROM EFFECTING MORE WOMAN.

INSULIN CONTRIBUTES TO BREAST CANCER

ZUMBA FOR BREAST CANCER/PARTY IN PINK was held this Saturday at Venetian Gardens and we had a fun time trying to keep up.  Thankfully it was indoors.  My sister, Cheryl, friends, Nicole and Amanda, participated and I was thankful for their taking the time out of their busy schedules for this good cause that benefits all of us women.  Thanks to my sister who's been zumba-ing way over a year now, I've also now enjoyed making this a weekly part of my strident attempt to stay active and therefore healthier.  It sure is a heck of a lot more fun than the old repetitious aerobics and is a great workout.  Our zumba instructor uses upbeat Christian music as well as other music which uplifts my spirit at the same time which I appreciate.

TODAY WAS MY FIRST TIME BACK TO MY GYNECOLOGIST since he gave me my breast cancer diagnosis results August of last year.  Once that happens you get handed off pretty quickly to breast surgeons, plastic surgeons and oncologists.  I filled Dr. Hall in on the past year and was happy to tell him that I'm doing great, feeling better than I probably did before breast cancer, more active, eating better, taking supplements more diligently, etc.  He thought my plastic surgeon did a good job.  I guess he probably sees a lot of bad jobs too, so that was nice to hear.

UTERINE CANCER is a possible, yet rare, side effect from the Tamoxifen pill that I'll be taking for the next 5 years.  This is due to a thickening of the uterine wall.  There's no good screening for uterine cancer except a transvaginal ultrasound which he ordered.  It was already time for my bi-annual pelvic ultrasound anyway, so I'll be taking care of that in the next few weeks.  Dr. Hall assured me that he doesn't see uterine cancer as a result of Tamoxifen very often.  From what I've been told, uterine cancer will affect 1 in 1000 women, and 2 in 1000 women on Tamoxifen, so just slightly higher.  However, I've unfortunately met at least two women personally who did develop uterine cancer while on Tamoxifen.  This is another one of those areas where I have to walk by faith, not by fear, doing the best I can.

Dr. Hall is very big into supplements and also adamant about finding out the chemical or metabolic reasons for our health issues - not just treating them with drugs.  For example, if too much estrogen contributes to breast lumps, benign or malignant, he wants to know why my body is producing too much to begin with.  I can't always follow him when he gets excited explaining the chemistry behind many of the things he prescribes, but I know he's very passionate about it.  He believes, and I researched it and confirmed he was right on, that INSULIN is a leading contributor to breast cancer, not just estrogen as previously believed.  So for women that are diabetic or even pre or borderline diabetic, breast cancer is a greater risk.  It goes right back again to physical activity and diet.  He prefers a low-glycemic diet.  I'm attaching an article below that explains it further.  This article focuses on breast cancer patients' survival rates, but I also read several other reputable articles about lowering insulin levels to PREVENT breast cancer.  You might find it interesting.

Insulin Levels Found to Affect Breast Cancer Survival

December 6, 2010

Women treated for breast cancer who have elevated levels of circulating insulin face substantially higher mortality rates than their peers with lower levels, according to a new study authored by a Yale School of Public Health researcher. The research is published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology.

Patients with amounts of an insulin marker known as C-peptide greater than 1.7 ng/mL were at a two-fold higher risk of breast cancer death compared with women with C-peptide levels lower than that. Women with type 2 diabetes had an even greater risk of breast cancer death compared with women without type 2 diabetes.

The findings suggest that treatment strategies that reduce C-peptide levels in women treated for breast cancer—which could include dietary-induced weight loss, increased physical activity and insulin-lowering medications—should be explored, according to Melinda L. Irwin, an associate professor at the School of Public Health, a member of Yale Cancer Center and the study’s lead author.

“There is growing evidence that weight and physical activity affect breast cancer outcomes, and our findings suggest that the mechanism linking lifestyle factors and breast cancer may be the insulin pathway,” Irwin said. “Our findings are timely in that therapeutic trials of insulin-lowering medications in women treated for breast cancer are being conducted. Previous research of ours conducted at Yale also showed that a daily brisk walking program decreased insulin levels. Women treated for breast cancer who are overweight or not currently exercising should definitely seek lifestyle counseling and/or talk with their physician about additional therapeutic options.”

Meanwhile, a separate research paper by Irwin that appears in the same issue of the journal found that overweight and obese breast cancer patients have lower levels of a crucial hormone called adiponectin that regulates several metabolic processes — which, in turn, decreases their chances of survival.

The finding is believed to be the first association between breast cancer survivorship and levels of adiponectin, a protein hormone that controls processes such as glucose regulation, the breakdown of fatty acids and energy intake. Levels of this hormone are related to body mass index, with overweight or obese breast cancer patients generally having lower levels of adiponectin and also elevated levels of insulin resistance (known as hyperinsulinemia).

The researchers followed 527 women from breast cancer diagnosis for an average of five years after diagnosis. A blood sample was collected every two years, as well as weight and height measurements and data on physical activity and diet to evaluate how lifestyle factors and hormones affect their breast cancer prognosis. They found that breast cancer patients who had higher levels of adiponectin survived longer.

Breast cancer patients can increase their adiponectin levels and lower their insulin levels markedly through behavioral and lifestyle interventions that promote physical activity and weight loss, Irwin said. Smilow Cancer Hospital at Yale-New Haven Hospital offers weight, diet and physical activity counseling for patients. Irwin is also currently recruiting women being treated for breast cancer into weight loss and exercise trials.

“Within the next couple of years, I hope the research continues to show a strong and clinically meaningful benefit of weight loss and exercise on cancer outcomes, and in turn will force second party payers/insurance companies to consider reimbursing for lifestyle counseling for cancer patients much like they do for patients with diabetes and cardiovascular disease,” she said.

CAN YOU BELIEVE ITS BEEN A YEAR SINCE MY MASTECTOMY SURGERY?
Many of you have asked me lately how its going, so I thought I'd give an update.  Things are going real well and I'm grateful!  Life has resumed with much more normalcy than I imagined, and yet I'm forever different - but in a good way I'd like to think.  Radiography school is in full swing and going well with about 8 months remaining.  Its nice to be back with the patients.  My schedule is as follows:  Monday is Radiation Physics class at CTAE in Ocala.  We usually get out by noon which allows time to do the online work for that class in the afternoon.  Fridays we have two other online classes to work on:  Radiographic Pathology and CT Basics. Then Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I'm currently working clinicals at Lake Medical Imaging at Lake-Sumter Landing in the Villages.  Its a beautiful facility (you know the Villages!) and 90% of the patients are great - and unlike the hospital are "walkie-talkies"- they can walk in on their own and tell you what's the matter.  No catheter bags, hospital beds, slide boards, poop, or MRSA, well....

I will be rotating back through LRMC and the Villages Hospital at some point which, despite the aforementioned negatives, is exciting and different in its own way.
(One correction - as of NEXT week, I'll have clinicals on Wednesdays too.  I've actually been doing only Tuesday and Thursdays for the last 3 weeks.  My school has been so good to work with me in starting at a slower pace.)

OUTSIDE OF THAT, I go to zumba with my sister on Tuesday nights, try hard to walk or ride bikes about 4-5 nights a week, choir practice on Thursday nights and just started helping with the 10 1st and 2nd grade girls on Wednesday night church.  Its hard for me to wrap my head around the thought that just a few months ago my life consisted of chemo and couch and doctor visits and which scarf was going to cover my bald head for that day.  For all you current breast cancer patients, BE ENCOURAGED to know that the strength, the eyelashes, eyebrows, and hair has come back.  In fact I REALLY miss not having to shave my legs.  That's probably the only thing I miss about cancer.  The neuropathy has dramatically improved as well as the arms and the chest I do believe, or my body has gotten used to the rest I guess.  

IRONICALLY, MY SHORT HAIR seems to be all the rage with my patients.  I've gotten SO many compliments on the short style and even the gray (eek!).  I've felt weirdly obligated for some reason to respond that its "growing back from chemo" to which most of them are very surprised.  I guess they just think I'm bold and trendy - imagine that!  Sometimes I just say "thank you".  So many patients have been very kind and supportive.  Only if they inquire further do I share briefly that I've survived recent breast cancer, doing real well, blessed, and glad to be back to work.  After all, its supposed to be about them and their health need, but I hope it encourages them.  My first week back, one older gentleman, not even my patient, actually called me out front and asked if he could give me a hug.  His wife had died of cancer and he said that this was his way of encouraging any cancer survivors he might see.  People are good and after all, we're all in this "cancer-fighting" world together.  And of course, GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!

JUST A NOTE:  I'm participating in two upcoming events to fight breast cancer if anyone would like to join in, let me know.  Zumba To Fight Breast Cancer at Venetian Gardens Sat., Sept. 22 10-noon.
and Making Strides for Breast Cancer at Silver Springs, Sat., Nov. 3, 9 am.

      

BACK IN SCHOOL

I'M HAPPY AND THANKFUL TO TELL YOU ALL THAT I'M OFFICIALLY BACK IN  RADIOGRAPHY SCHOOL.  Today was our first day of the second year of the program.  After a one year medical leave, I joined  in with the new class of seniors (who were juniors last year).  Everyone has been so welcoming and gracious and I'm sure I'll come to love them as much as the friends I had to leave behind.  The faculty of MCSRT has been super in helping me get back in the swing and I'm forever grateful.  Class today went well starting two classes:  Radiation Physics and Pathology.  Lord help me!  Tomorrow I start clinicals back up at Lake-Sumter Landing's branch of Lake Medical Imaging.  I've probably been the most nervous about this part, but feeling much more confident and have been studying like crazy.  There's just SO MUCH positioning-wise to remember - you can't imagine!  I'm hoping the chemo-fog won't hinder me, but I'm going for it nonetheless.  I also purchased two layers of Dr. Scholl's for my croqs, so I guess you could say I'm "double-gelling"!

ITS HARD TO BELIEVE, about six months ago, I sat on my futon crying my eyes out at how much I'd "lost".  I felt like I'd lost myself and who I was and what I'd been working for.  Kenny, my forever encourager, tried to tell me I would start again, but at that point I didn't even know if I wanted to...the thought scared me to death.  My confidence had gone down the toilet.  It felt like a million miles away and the furtherest thing from my mind.  Cancer can be all consuming and demands your full attention, courage, and emotions, if you let it.  Sometimes when you can't see things for yourself, you have to trust someone else who CAN see them.  By the way...love the cartoon above!  Sometimes we may even have to be dragged?...drug?  Both sound wrong.

I'M ALSO OFFICIALLY "SCARF-LESS" AS OF A COUPLE OF WEEKS NOW.  Going for the bootcamp basic training look at this point.  My friends and church family have been so gracious and sweet with the compliments which does make an awkward situation a lot easier and I'm grateful.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...and a lot less vain. LOL!  My dear brother in Christ, Jim, who prayed for me every day this year came up to me in church last Wednesday night with a precious little tiny girl by his side.  He said to me, "I wanted her to meet you."  There she stood in front of me with her little shaved head on what would be her first week of school.  She bravely said, they had to shave my hair 'causa lice.  I told her that she and I had the same hairdo, then I rubbed her little head and told her how beautiful she was and that it would grow back before she knew it.  She smiled and I smiled too.
  

HOW I FOUND IT - REPOST

AS I REACH THE ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF MY DIAGNOSIS, I felt led and compelled to RE-POST a previous blog (10/31/11) of how I found my breast cancer.  I'm trying to be sensitive to the spirit of God in case some of my story could save another woman's life.  I pray this helps someone.

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My version of "The Thinker"

ONE of the reasons I started this blog was to hopefully help another woman find answers from my story that might apply to her situation, whether a close friend I know well, or even a stranger who might wander upon this blog site searching for answers.  The latter accounts for my choice of the rather boring name of the blog which I hoped would be an easy google search pop-up for that searching woman.  I was once that "google-searching woman" myself.

THAT'S WHY today, I felt like I should backtrack a little in time and share how I found my breast cancer and some events that led up to that.  Many friends have asked me this question and I'm able to share and will again today, hoping it might help at least one person discern wisely.  FIRST, let me say that not everyone's situation is the same and I intend this only as a prayerful tool you might use in your situation.  Any research you might do on breast lumps will tell you that MOST lumps end up being benign, thankfully, and women have to find a careful balance between living in constant fear and using diligent wisdom God gives us to discern issues about our health.

(For the men friends - I apologize in advance if any of this is too awkward for you to read and you can certainly choose to opt out of today's blog.)
MY HISTORY has always been of having very dense breasts which many women have.  This doesn't mean my breast were stupid, but rather compact I guess you could say, which made mammograms harder to distinguish what from what.  Women with dense breasts have to be even more diligent about "knowing" their own breasts with self-exams, etc.  I've not always done that especially in younger years, more hit and miss.  I breast fed both my babies for a year each which is supposed to help prevent breast cancer.  I battled the common fibrocystic (fluid-filled benign) breastlumps in my younger adult years which come and go during a women's cycle and can be tender and painful but not dangerous.  They usually tell you to avoid caffeine which helps and eventually as I got older they weren't an issue for me anymore.

Over my middle-aged years (I can't remember when I started exactly) I continued to get mammograms and occasionally breast ultrasounds would follow when they couldn't distinguish an area due to the density.  Always okay.  In 2006 after my mother's ovarian cancer diagnosis, I was put back on a low dose oral contraceptive as a way of leveling off hormone levels to avoid ovarian cancer.  I stayed on that for about 5 or 6 years until I took myself off.  In 2007 I found two rather palpable lumps, one in each breast.  They did mammograms, special view mammograms (more detailed), and an ultrasound.  It was suggested that while they appeared to be benign, a needle biopsy was the only way to tell for sure.  The biopsy, while no fun, is relatively simple, performed by a radiologist with the help of an ultrasound tech, with lidocaine to numb the area where you feel only pressure for the most part.  The lidocaine injections are small needles and feel like bee stings at worst.  The whole procedure takes about 30 minutes and you go home with icepacks for a few hours and maybe some bruising, but in light of what it can help you avoid....is NOTHING you should hesitate about out of fear.  Meditating on speaking Jesus' name was always a help to me in getting through the biopsies and taking my mind off of what they were doing.

The radiologist felt by the sheer look of the specimen that it was benign but, of course, won't confirm until labs are back in about 3 days.  I was relieved to find the two lumps were FIBROADENOMAS, which were solid, but benign.  The radiologist and my gyno said that they were estrogen related, but usually dissolve themselves when women go through menopause.  I was told that unless they changed or were bothering me, I could leave them alone, or choose to have them removed surgically.  Surgical removal would have amounted to a lumpectomy-type procedure on both breasts and due to the size of the right one especially, would cause a definite indention at best.  More than that, I was just so relieved and tired of all the testing, that I just wanted to move on and stop worrying about it and opted to not put myself through a surgical procedure to remove benign breast lumps which would eventually go away on their own.  I did make a moderate attempt to start a natural vitamin regimen sold by my gyno for about 9 months.  They were expensive and I wasn't sold on the fact that they were worth it and eventually stopped.  I continued though over the next years to take OTC vitamin D3 which is supposed to be good for cancer prevention.  However, I would often fall off the wagon with my daily vitamin taking, just to pick it back up again later.

In 2009, after a mammogram with new digital equipment, they found a microcalcification in the right breast.  This was a little scarier, because they can often signify pre-cancerous cells forming.  NOT ALWAYS, but again, YOU GUESSED IT, the only way to know for sure is a biopsy.  This time though due to the small rice-size of the spot, they would have to do a stereotactic biopsy.  I'd never heard of this procedure at the time, but felt like I needed to follow through with it.  In a stereo, you lay on an elevated table on your stomach with your breast exposed through an opening underneath where they are compressed in a mammogram while a needle biopsy is performed.  One of the hardest parts was not being able to move for about 30 minutes during the procedure.  Again, I will just say this.  If this procedure can help you avoid future breast cancer, then comparatively speaking, its much simpler.  But I will say, it was not an easy procedure to go through and learn from my mistake - DON'T HESITATE TO SPEAK UP AND TELL THEM JUST AS SOON AS YOU NEED MORE NUMBING MEDS.  Thankfully again, the results came back as more fibroadenoma cells.  This brought up a new issue for me personally as to how much is too much!  I openly discussed with the radiologist that while I appreciated the new digital technology that could reveal possible precancerous cells much smaller and earlier, I could not and would not want to go through a stereotactic biopsy every other year just because my breasts were prone to these issues.  I'm sure that's when I began to work harder on taking my vitamins, etc.  He assured me that it was uncommon for women to have frequent ongoing stereo's.  I was just glad it was over and again that the results were negative.  Back to regular life.

In Nov. 2010, I had a slight scare with my yearly pelvic exam coming back abnormal and followed through with some follow-up diagnostics with that.  It was unnerving to say the least and tiring to have to deal with yet another issue.  I had started back to school at that point and was extremely busy and wrapped up in that.  It ended up being nothing, PTL, and ironically my mammogram in Nov. 2010 came back clear.  I was not even called back in for the usual breast ultrasound to double-check which I'd been so used to.  I just remember being thankful since the pelvic issue was on my plate at the time and I even considered it a blessing.  The previous fibroadenoma lumps as well as the microcalcification spot had all been marked at time of biopsies, with tissue markers that would show up in subsequent mammograms letting radiologists know those areas had already been cleared as "ok".

SOMETIME in the first few months of 2011 I'm guessing, I began to re-feel on the large fibroadenoma lump in my right breast.  This was probably more an occasional habit while in the shower to run my fingers over the lump and think about it.  But I found myself doing it more and more often and questioning whether it was indeed changing size/getting bigger, whether it was just hormones causing it to swell then shrink back, or whether it was just my imagination trying to worry...paranoia.  NOT wanting to run back to the doctors and very busy in life, I let it go for several months until I began to feel a bebe size lump closer to the nipple area of that same breast.  That definitely felt "different", but again, I just questioned myself and postponed it for weeks until my follow-up appt. with my gyno where I would  bring it up.  In fact to save time off from school, I took charge and scheduled my gyno appt. in the morning, my mammogram after lunch followed by an ultrasound which I knew they would require.  I've learned to ask with pleasant insistence for what I want or need instead of just taking the first thing that's offered appt.-wise, etc.  ALSO, especially after being in radiography school myself for a year by this time, I did not hesitate to ask for EXTRA lidocaine from the radiologist as he proceeded with yet another biopsy one month later on three new tumor areas in that right breast.

The mammogram and ultrasound in July had shown three areas of suspicion and I was told those familiar words again, that only a biopsy could tell for sure whether they were more fibroadenomas or not.  Even at this point, I felt it was probably just the same old benign lumps and I DID NOT want to rush to a biopsy, take time off clinicals, and put myself through the worry.  I tried to believe God to just take it away.  I was stalling, too.  Finally, I decided to take my cd of my mammo and ultra to the clinic where I worked at clinicals in a hope that one of their radiologists would be so kind as so give their student a free second opinion.  One doctor did, and told me he preferred to err on the side of caution with these things and recommended I follow through with the biopsy.  That helped me to make my decision and I'm so glad I did!  Before that I was actually thinking of taking the "watch and wait" approach for 6 months.  Who knows where my cancer would be today had I done that.

As I've shared in this blog many times, I'm a Christian and believe and trust in an all-knowing loving God who is more than able to heal in many ways.  I'm reminded of the old story about the man stranded on his roof top as flood waters are rising all around.  A boat comes along offering him a ride to which he proclaims "No thanks, God will take care of me!"  The flood waters continue to rise as a second boat comes by offering assistance to which he refuses declaring "No thanks, God will care of me!".  As the waters rise even more and third boat comes by begging him to receive help and he again denies saying "God will take care of me!"  The man drowns and goes to heaven where he questions God, "Why didn't you save me?", to which God answers..."Who do you think sent the three boats?"

My gyno told me when I asked years ago, that it was extremely rare for a fibroadenoma to TURN INTO cancer.  In hindsight...the fibroadenoma lump being the size it was, at best, helped obscure the new cancer tumors that arose later making me question my earlier decision to leave them in.  Also, I would encourage women to talk to their doctor about taking vitamin D3 regularly and be more diligient than I was.  Its an easy, healthy, and inexpensive tool in your arsenal against cancer.  Finally, be familiar with your own breasts and if you suspect anything out of the ordinary, get it checked out as soon as possible.  We can't continue to look backward in our lives, but move forward with courage and thankfulness for a merciful, forgiving God who holds our hand through every hard thing we encounter and uses it to bring us closer to him.  Hope this helps someone.  

(As a sidenote:  I now (2012) also take daily low-dose aspirin, Vit. E, B12, C0Q10, L-Glutamine, Iron)

CROSSING THE BRIDGES OF OUR LIVES

Me and Kenny

I made it!

I HAVE SO MUCH I WANT TO SAY, I don't know where to begin.  Let me start with saying how THANKFUL I am to feel as good as I do.  I truly feel like I "crossed a bridge" over the last few weeks to a renewed self.  Vacation was truly a needed and rejuvenating time which helped in the crossing of that bridge.  While we're talking bridges...I'm proud to say I conquered another personal milestone by swallowing my fear and walking across the mile-high swinging bridge at Grandfather Mt., NC.  This, as some of you who shall remain nameless will remember, is the bridge I couldn't continue to cross almost ten years ago and had to literally crawl back the miserable ten feet or so with a panic attack as my then younger sons ran on ahead to my horror.

On this current trip as my husband kept mentioning his desire to go back to Grandfather Mt., I quietly and mentally prepared myself to not let it conquer me this time.  Perhaps silly to some, but I wanted to use it as a personal and symbolic representation of what I had overcome through breast cancer by getting to the other side, all the while fearing I might freeze up again.  Not allowing myself to think too hard about it as we got to the bridge that day, I set out across before I could change my mind.  Signs clearly stated "40 PERSON MAX", to which no one (but me) seemed to be adherring.  My oldest, Tyler, found it hilarious to shake the bridge and make scary statements while walking in front of me, but I kept my head down and walked fast and sure.  I WAS VICTORIOUS!  I then had no desire or energy to climb to the top of the mountain lookout with the rest of the family, but was content to sit at the bridge's end and relish in my personal accomplishment.  

I WAS SURPRISED AT THE AMOUNT OF ENERGY I did have considering where I was just a month ago.  While I did sit out on some rougher hikes and the white-water rafting (I knew my arms would not allow that one), I biked, ate, waded in streams, ate, walked, ate, hiked (with multiple stopping, wheezing, and panting, lol) even rode on the back of a four-wheeler with my husband up the mountain.  By the way, on that day, I decided I was more of an "indoorsey girl".

Oh...and did I mention...ate.  Food tastes good again ya'll, which might not be such a good thing.     

Jammin' on the front porch

I'VE READ SO MANY GOOD BOOKS over the last year.  (I'm sharing the names at the top right of the blog.)  One I'm reading now by Don Piper is on finding earthly joy in any situation.  The central theme he talks about is, ironically, crossing bridges in our lives from the lives we once knew, to the new lives we find ourselves in for whatever reason.  He encourages through his book to dry the tears and embrace where God has you now and use it - find your "new normal", which is a term often thrown at breast cancer survivors, to the dislike of some.  I'm SO GRATEFUL that in many ways my new normal is even better than the old me.  I still live with some limitations, frustrations, and aches and pains.  And even as a follower of Christ living by faith, I will unfortunately live with the looming threat of a cancer reoccurrence no matter everything I've done and continue to do to prevent it.  I understand that, but will choose as best as I can not to fear it.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.  2 Timothy 1:7 

  

Me and our sweet niece Sarah

Learning woodworking from my father-in-law

Me and sister-in-law Michelle

Our campsite on edge of mountain

DR. WRIGHT

WAS OUR FOLLOW-UP APPT. WITH MY ONCOLOGIST, DR. WRIGHT.  What a great guy, we REALLY have been blessed by him.  Not only is he kind, patient, listens and is so personable, but he ALWAYS apologizes profusely for making us wait the slightest bit.  In fact today, he was in the room waiting for us!  He even let me teach HIM about what I learned about Axillary Web Syndrome which he admitted he was not real familiar with.  I was glad to help him help the next patient he might have with the same complaints.  Dr. Wright released me until December.  Based on some new preliminary trials just published, he suggested I take a low-dose aspirin a day which may reduce the chances of reoccurrence of breast cancer and certainly can't hurt.  We gave big hugs to him and to our nurses and brought them Nabisco goodies.  I won't miss chemo and needles, but I WILL miss them.    

WHILE WE WERE IN THE INFUSION CENTER, we talked to a sweet and lovely younger patient who started her chemo sometime after me.  She's a mother of 6 and 7 yr. olds. and she was delighted to see my hair already starting to grow back this close after my chemo.  She admitted losing her hair had been the hardest part for her.  My heart went out to her and I tried my best to encourage her and blessed her as we left.  She has six weeks left of treatment.  Its truly a bonding experience.  I just want to give them all a big hug and tell them to hang on!

I SAW MY LYMPHEDEMA P.T. first thing this morning just to make sure we had gotten all the cording broken.  We discussed my lymphedema risk factors more in depth and she was very helpful.  She said from my descriptions I'm probably a Stage I.  I realize now with even the mild level I've experienced that I need to be more vigilent with precautions and wearing my compression sleeves at least when I do strenuous activities that bring on the heavy tight feeling in my upper arms.  I DO NOT want to advance.  I'm also to wear them when I feel the heaviness coming on to help move the lymphatic fluid along.  They're no fun for sure as I even wear them for a couple of hours now, but I guess you adapt.

OH, AND GUESS WHAT?  We saw Dr. Oz next door outside our exam room window.  He was next door at the heart hospital doing a "health diagnosis special" of the city of Tampa.  We wondered why tons of people were lined up outside the hospital just standing waiting.  Dr. Wright said Dr. Oz was down there, and sure enough he was in his blue scrubs taking pictures.  Pretty cool!  But we told Dr. Wright, he was nothing compared to him and we meant it.

WATCHING GRASS GROW

HI FAMILY AND FRIENDS!  Activity since my last surgery has been picking up gradually and steadily.  I feel much better, yet my body has a long way to go.  As far as life in the breast cancer world (or I gladly should say "post cancer" world) it has been about walking out the remaining symptoms on a daily basis and dealing with the surprising emotional roller coaster that has emerged in these final hours of the saga.  Here's where things are:

MY FINGERNAIL BEDS are a nasty black/green color and my nails seem to be holding on for dear life.  This is a side effect from the chemo-induced neuropathy.  Some days I wish they'd just go ahead and fall off if they're going to.  Aside from them looking horrible, showing through even the darkest of nail polishes (I'm trying chocolate brown next) they feel weird and loose but thankfully don't hurt as bad as they did.  I have to also be careful not to get them infected, wearing gloves in the kitchen with raw meat, etc.  The neuropathy pain in general in my hands, feet and legs is improving, praise the Lord.   Nighttime can still be the hardest especially after I've been on my feet and legs actively that day, but again, getting better and not needing to rely on the strong pain meds I once did.

CHEST TIGHTNESS since last surgery is, truthfully, worse than I imagined at this stage in the game.  I guess I had dreamy visions of feeling like a typical "boob job" patient who'd never had to have a mastectomy, or like my old self at least.  My plastic gave me a massage regimen to control the scar tissue which my body LOVES to make - supposed to do it every day for the rest of my life.  Really?!?  He also tells me my mind will adjust to the "new norm" of how it feels, some women take 3-5 years.  Really?!?  But, again, it IS BETTER than the tissue expanders and even with all I've been through in the reconstruction area, I'm sure I'd probably make the same decision again.

THE ARMS, THE ARMS, THE ARMS!  As many of you know this has been an area of constant prayer and need.  It was again in these last couple months.  After researching online in frustration after exercises seem to only make it tighter and worse right before surgery, I finally found a name for the particular issues I was having.  AXILLARY WEB SYNDROME.  Its newly understood by the medical establishment, some debate over the true cause, and has been a frustration for many breast cancer patients struggling with it who can't get answers.  Basically, its when the scar tissue after lymph node removal and mastectomy causes "cording" (think hard wires/cords) starting in the armpit (axilla) and running like vines down the inside of your elbow all the way to the wrist sometimes, which mine did.  It is painful, extremely limits your range of motion, even changes the look of your arms - you can see the cords causing dimpling bumpy areas.  This is different than normal post-mastectomy range of motion issues than can affect your shoulder without proper p.t.  AWS often requires specialized massage and manipulation by a trained lympathic p.t. who basically uses force to POP those cords of scar tissue to break them up, like breaking up ice.  This is what I went for two weeks in a row back to Scottie Bull in Leesburg (wonderful lady).  Being a lymphadema specialist she knows best how to mess with my arms in an attempt to minimize risk of lympadema swelling that might occur.  I was bruised and it hurt like heck, but I was SO GLAD to have an answer, AND it was remarkable to see the cords disappear afterward.  Now I can continue my stretching exercises like normal to help keep things loose.  On the flipside, my upper arms have felt tight, heavy and uncomfortable since then like they did after my first surgery.  I'm convinced it was slight lymphadema swelling from the workout they got, but it is getting better.  I focused on arm exercises in the ocean this weekend (which is the best thing for lymphadema).  I've prayed the Lord just take this away.  Its a constant battle and you HAVE to be your own health advocate carefully utilizing trusted sources as well as breast cancer forums where women help other women by sharing their stories.  That's where I found out about AWS.            

I'M SO THANKFUL my recent days are also filled with realizing that I'm on the other side of the mountain and enjoying things I don't take for granted now, like tasting and enjoying food again, getting away on vacation, drinking more water, taking evening walks with my husband to stay active, and only having to keep up with a couple of pills a day versus multiple regimens.  The follow-up doctor visits are simpler as well for the most part.  I'll see my oncologist again Thursday but at last visit my bloodwork was clear of cancer.  PTL!  Tamoxifen pills so far have only given me increased hot flashes, which are no fun, but I can live with them.  I enjoyed a wonderful weekend at the beach with my family.  SO GOOD to do something other than CANCER.  I even threw off the hat and let my almost bald head show to the beach world, and you know, I didn't even care!  You know the old expression - "WATCHING GRASS GROW"?  Well that's what I'm doing with my hair, and about that speed!

RECOVERING FROM SURGERY

RECOVERING FROM SURGERY yet once again and doing well.  Plastic surgeon was right, not near as bad as first time around, but I'm trying to take it slow...sorta.  As some of you know, we went in for planned surgery Monday before last, I was dressed in the gown in pre-op and about to be anesthesized, when nurse (going over my meds) realized I had only been off Ibruprofen for four days, not 7-10 days required in my situation.  Somehow this info was dropped through the cracks between Dr. and surgical center who called me with the pre-op details.  Ibruprofen, such as Advil, thins your blood and destroys your platelets which we need to form clotting after a surgery.  With me being recently off chemo, they wouldn't take any chances.  Long story short...after shedding a few frustrating tears, I agreed it was the right thing to do to postpone until the following Monday.

SO THIS PAST MONDAY, we head down to Tampa once again to get it done.  This time, believe it or not, my throat had started hurting badly, I ached, and a sinus condition (I assume) had started progressing.  There was no way I was going to let them send me home again, so I prayed I wouldn't die under anesthesia and chose to play down these new little details.  I didn't die, but got to suffer through a sinus infection while recovering from surgery.  Lucky me!  Both conditions are improving, but my strength is low again and I can't drive for another couple of weeks yet.

I HAVE GREAT FRIENDS who cart me to Dr.'s appts., cook delicious dinners after surgery, bring me chocolate bar treats, and get me out of the house to see a chick flick on occasion.  I even went last week (pre-surgery) with my sister to Zumba, where I barely made it through the first couple of songs before hitting the floor to watch.  I told her it was no wonder she looks great and has lost so much weight...quite a workout!  I hope to join as soon as I can to keep my weight off.  Speaking of that, I must say, while not the easiest weight-lose plan by any means, I'm delighted to have shed 30 LBS. since my first surgery 10 months ago.  30 LBS.!!!!!  Now the trick will be keeping it off now that I just started Tamoxifen pills daily which will block estrogen in my body which feeds my type of breast cancer.

PICKING UP MY OLDEST SON from the airport tonight.  He's been in California with our dear YOUNG friends (lol), the Shireys, helping with their youth VBS.  We've missed him.  I love both my sons SO MUCH, our sweet Sami, and of course my ever-patient husband.  I'm blessed!





 

NEXT SURGERY

HELLO MY DEAR AND SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS.  I'm glad to say I've felt stronger today than in a long time.  Got all the laundry done, walked, did my arm exercises, cleaned a bathroom (with the help of my son, Cayler) cooked supper and...well that's about it, but that's pretty darn good for me lately.

WE SAW MY PLASTIC SURGEON yesterday for the first time in the several months due to the weekly chemo decision.  Bottom line - I opted to go ahead with the next phase of my reconstruction which means surgery this coming Monday.  This surgery will be to swap out the ROCK HARD tissue expanders that have been there since the bilateral mastectomy for the permanent silicone implants.  You can't imagine how great it will feel to get those out as they have been a constant source of discomfort since day one - basically like having two bricks under the skin refusing to budge.  My surgeon told me this surgery, while not as painful afterward as the mastectomy (I asked him to "promise"), will require 4-6 weeks of recovery.  This was a main reason we quickly opted to take the opening he had in his surgery schedule for this Monday.  No drains afterward either...yaah!  We figured also, that while I'm still aching and recovering and getting my strength back from chemo, why not be aching and recovering from this inevitable surgery as well at the same time.  Convalescing, Kenny calls it.  My goal is to restart radiography school in August so time is of the essence.  Chop, chop!  Bad wording I guess.

SPEAKING OF RADIOGRAPHY...last Friday I was so blessed to be able to attend the graduation ceremony of the fellow students I left behind when I went on medical leave.  They spent the last year finishing their senior year and many of them have already landed jobs which is great news.  It was a wonderful night at the Holiday Inn Conference Center in Ocala.  We sat with our dear friends Nicole and her husband Jamie and cheered her on as she received a special award for her GPA.  There were about 300 people in attendance including the 24 students, their families, faculty of the program and CF, as well as many hospital and imaging center personnel.  IT WAS SO GOOD to see everyone and feel their loving support and hugs.  I couldn't have been more honored when Nicole presented me a special award on behalf of the class for inspiration and courage.  Her words were generous and as beautiful as she is.  I was truly humbled and touched.  As much as I would have loved to be graduating with them that night, I truly felt pride and joy in my heart for each one of them because I know how hard they each worked to get there.  It was encouraging.

The keynote speaker, Dr. Jordan, encouraged the graduates to never forget that the patients they see are often scared, in pain, confused, and in need of the techs assistance, and to always treat them with compassion.  Nothing will teach you that lesson more than being the patient yourself.  So when I look at it that way - I guess during this past year, I've still been "in school" learning the most valuable lesson of all - TO CARE. 

DRAWING DOWN OF CHEMO TROOPS

THIS WEEK...VERY ROUGH, even though I expected as much.  Yesterday and today, DEFINITE upswing.  Praise the Lord!  Having had my final chemo last Thursday (can I hear a "whoop-whoop"?) the toxicity levels in my body have been at their all time highest this week causing the aches and pains of various kinds to stretch my resolve.  Before yesterday, most of my days were spent sleeping in, taking my meds, then holding down the couch or recliner.  Is it possible to watch every single Food Network and/or Cooking Channel program there is straight in a row?  I THINK IT IS!  I even watched some British chick named Nijela(?) who gave all her measurements in grams.  Now tell me how is that of use to us lazy Americans who refused to learn the metric system?  I flipped back to Paula Deen.  "One stick of butta, ya'll".  Now THAT I can understand.

MORNINGS WERE HARD, but night time had seemed to be the worst and I would dread it.  I would lay there with my heating pad and propping pillows, as my pain seemed to thumb its nose at my long digested strong pain pills.  As I've probably mentioned before, I've grown a renewed appreciation for those who suffer in chronic pain, and I'm sure mine doesn't touch the surface of what many deal with.  I'd find myself praying in those long hours in the dark room waiting for sleep to overtake me.  Praying for myself, obviously.  "There is power in the name of Jesus, there is healing in the name of Jesus, there is strength in the name of Jesus"  over and over.  Then would find myself instantaneously praying for someone else's pain, pleading the Lord to have mercy and give relief to many of you even.  I take no credit for this, but see the whole thing as such a God thing.  If he took all our pains away immediately, we'd probably jump up, brush ourselves off, and go back to our busy selfish lives, not giving much thought to others.  God's ways are not our ways.

NO MATTER WHAT YOUR OPINION MIGHT BE ON CHOOSING TO TAKE CHEMO, no one will argue that as we often say, "the treatment is as bad as the disease".  I have my different opinions on chemo for different situations, but I obviously embraced this life-saving arsenal and accepted its good and its bad.  The chemo drugs are like our troops going to war (within my body) to search out and find the bad guys - the "Al qaeda cancer" living within and threatening my very existence.  With any war, its not neat and tidy.  There are many innocent casualties of this chemo war, like my fingernails, aching bones and joints, taste buds, hair, eyebrows and lashes, chest, arms and physical strength, to name a few.  And let's not forget my brave breasts who were sacrificed on the front lines early on in this war on breast cancer.  They deserve the purple heart for sure.  And even now that this part of the war is declared over, I realize that the "drawing down of troops" does not happen overnight, and so it is with my body.  It will take time and I'm trying to be patient.

BEING MEMORIAL DAY WEEK, we had the privilege of riding one evening through the National Veterans cemetery a few miles from our home.  I encourage any of you who can, take the day sometime, make the trip and drive through especially with your child or your teenager.  We have to be reminded that its so much more than a steak or slab of ribs on the grill on Memorial Day or a suntan day at the beach.  Nothing will do that more than visiting this sacred and beautifully hard place.  The lush green perfectly manicured grounds and waving line of flags pointing the way to those endless white and gray head stones that seem to go on forever in perfect military alignment over quiet rolling green hills.  As we stopped and walked through to find Kenny's granddaddy Hall's stone, he spoke such words of truth, that "every one of these has a story".  Driving through with the windows down I found myself really proud for the first time to be from little Bushnell - the recipient of such an honorable and important place to so many military families who sacrificed so much.

My troubles....minimal.

LAST CHEMO!

I'M FINALLY BACK TO MY BLOG...I'M WAY OVERDUE, but let me start with the good news I received yesterday from my oncologist and then I'll digress.  Kenny and I headed to Tampa dragging myself to what I thought was my second to last weekly chemo.  On top of that, I was certain that once Dr. Wright saw how bad my fingernails looked from the increasing neuropathy, that he would insist I take this week off to "come up for air" as he puts it.  Last week when Tyler (my oldest son) took me to chemo, Linda my nurse said that they would give me chemo that day but the Dr. would probably have me skip the next.  SO...I had been trying to mentally prep myself for three more weeks of this dragging on and to be honest, I didn't know if I could survive.  But back to the good news!  When he came in to the room I began asking him about my symptoms and was prepared to plead my case as to why I wanted to trudge on through and NOT skip a week, I could handle the discomfort, I just needed to get these last two overwith.  We talked for a few minutes then, he looked on the computer and said that no, this was actually my last one.  Kenny and I could hardly believe our ears.  We made him double check several times assured he was mistaken.  All three of us were all smiles.  I think my exact words were "Praise the Lord, Holy Cow!"  I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as we walked back to the infusion room and greeted the nurses with the good news.  I had planned to bring goodies for the nurses on my last chemo and make it a celebration as many patients do, so I felt like I was totally unprepared for my "party".  Kenny and I found an empty chair and shed a few tears at the moment knowing it would be my last time in that chair.  He then made a sign on his laptop and took my picture to share on Facebook with friends and family.

I WAS DELIGHTED to be able to see three goods friends I'd made who were having chemo at the same time.  A dear sweet Christian school teacher Betty battling lymphoma and it was her last day too.  Linda, a sweet lady who we met early on and we would always look for each other.  Then in came dear Pat, a powerhouse precious Christian lady battling breast cancer as well who always encouraged me that God was going to do it for both of us, to which I would reply, "I know it Pat, I believe it."  I exchanged info. with each one and hope to keep in touch with these ladies who have become dear to me.  There is a bond you can't explain until you've been there.  The same with my nurses, especially Jean, who loved on me like a mother and call me "pretty lady".  I won't miss chemo, but I WILL oddly miss going there and seeing all these precious people who were part of my fight.  I go back to see the doctor in one month to do blood check and will then start my 5-yr. daily Tamoxifen pill, the next step in my arsenal to keep this nasty breasty cancer from coming back.  More of that later.

THIS GOOD NEWS came in the nick of time for me as I said earlier, the last few weeks I hadn't even felt like sitting at the computer to blog, just didn't have the mental or physical energy.  I barely made it to church and a few other outings with the help of pain pills.  I would joyfully tell those who asked "how many more treatments", "two more weeks", to which they would understandably smile and say "Yah, just two more!".  But inside I was dreading every minute, every hour of those two more weeks because the last three or four weeks had drug by and felt like an eternity, so much slower than the first half of my chemo.  I know it was because my body and my mind and spirit had reached a low weak point.  I'd take long hot baths to relieve the aches.  I had been making a hard effort to walk almost every day down my road and back to try to get some exercise.  The last week had become very hard as I was feeling myself getting weaker.  I would take my time on my walks, cry out toward an open sky to God to let me feel his presence.  I would talk to the cows and stop and smell the confederate jasmin on my neighbor's fence.  I was bored, lonely, or going a little crazy, one or the other.

I'D SHARED WITH KENNY that I had been feeling peod, aggrivated, frustrated, even mad at God I guess or just in general.  I tried hard not to let my family see this.  Then it came to me, maybe God was hiding himself even, letting me get mad to bring out the grit I was needing to make it through those last weeks.  I invisioned myself as Rocky Balboa in those infamous final bloody rounds in the ring.  Where his eyes are all swollen, blood dripping from his lips, and his body too weak to continue.  His short graspy voiced coach would antagonize him, and even get rough with him and make him get back in that ring.  He didn't care if Rocky got mad at him in the process.  I guess God's upheld palms are tough enough and loving enough to handle my fist jabs of anger if that's what I need the most.

I'M ALSO NOW CONVINCED that God foreknew where my breaking point would be, and weeks ago he let me get confused with my calendar of how many treatments I had left so that he could give me this refreshing pick-me-up of finding out that I was DONE ALREADY!  According to my doctor, I'll feel like crap for about a month while this last chemo works its way out.  And I know I have a long way to go yet with two surgeries and gaining back my strength and feeling over time, but its great to know I'm on my way back up and I can do this!  Dr. Wright said I would be like Samson - my growing hair would be an outward indication of my returning strength.  Grow hair grow!

 

RELAY FOR LIFE

KENNY AND I PARTICIPATED IN RELAY FOR LIFE this past weekend.  This is the first one I have ever participated in and it was a special evening.  Relay for Life rallies/walks are held by communities to raise support and awareness for cancer victims and survivors on behalf of American Cancer Society.  I was proud to see our different community groups; businesses, schools, churches and other groups sponsoring booths and walking for this great cause.  In our time when almost everyone has been touched by cancer themselves or within their families, its a great show of support by our community.  After the opening ceremonies, all the cancer survivors lined up and each came to the mic to say their name and how many years cancer free, as well as be presented a special medal.  I was set back at how emotional it made me being in that line with all those brave warriors who battled their own journey through cancer and all that it includes.  It was especially emotional to see my Aunt Joy right behind me declaring her victory, "one month cancer free"!



Then all of us were led in a "Victory Round" the first lap around the track being cheered on by kind supporters outlining the track.  SO EMOTIONAL especially to have my husband by my side who drove like a crazy person from work in Orlando stuck in traffic just because he would not let me do it alone.  I didn't realize what a big deal it was to me until that very moment.













We also purchased memory luminary sacs decorated by school children in honor of my mom and Kenny's grandfather.  The bags lined the track and were lit after dark for a very special candlelight memory lap in honor of your loved ones.  I'm THANKFUL to all the people who worked so hard to make it a success.

I'M STILL PRAYING AND CONSIDERING the support group idea for women.  Kenny and I thoroughly enjoyed talking to Lee Krauss at the Relay.  Lee loves the Lord and has an incredible testimony of healing from Esophageal cancer in 2004 where he was given about 2 weeks to live.  Lee has given back for several years now through a local support group he facilitates on the 2nd Monday of each month held at Odd Couples cafe.  Blessings to Lee for all his effort, love and concern.

I WISH I COULD SAY I'VE FELT BETTER but between the aches, the neuropathy and vomiting from nausea and acid reflux the last couple of days, its been a little rough.  But I know it will improve, just 5 more treatments to go!  I have an appt. for a medical massage tomorrow which I'm hoping will help.  Despite it all, I'm still blessed beyond measure and grateful for all the support and love from my family and friends.