ONE of the reasons I started this blog was to hopefully help another woman find answers from my story that might apply to her situation, whether a close friend I know well, or even a stranger who might wander upon this blog site searching for answers. The latter accounts for my choice of the rather boring name of the blog which I hoped would be an easy google search pop-up for that searching woman. I was once that "google-searching woman" myself.
THAT'S WHY today, I felt like I should backtrack a little in time and share how I found my breast cancer and some events that led up to that. Many friends have asked me this question and I'm able to share and will again today, hoping it might help at least one person discern wisely. FIRST, let me say that not everyone's situation is the same and I intend this only as a prayerful tool you might use in your situation. Any research you might do on breast lumps will tell you that MOST lumps end up being benign, thankfully, and women have to find a careful balance between living in constant fear and using diligent wisdom God gives us to discern issues about our health.
(For the men friends - I apologize in advance if any of this is too awkward for you to read and you can certainly choose to opt out of today's blog.)
MY HISTORY has always been of having very dense breasts which many women have. This doesn't mean my breast were stupid, but rather compact I guess you could say, which made mammograms harder to distinguish what from what. Women with dense breasts have to be even more diligent about "knowing" their own breasts with self-exams, etc. I've not always done that especially in younger years, more hit and miss. I breast fed both my babies for a year each which is supposed to help prevent breast cancer. I battled the common fibrocystic (fluid-filled benign) breastlumps in my younger adult years which come and go during a women's cycle and can be tender and painful but not dangerous. They usually tell you to avoid caffeine which helps and eventually as I got older they weren't an issue for me anymore.
Over my middle-aged years (I can't remember when I started exactly) I continued to get mammograms and occasionally breast ultrasounds would follow when they couldn't distinguish an area due to the density. Always okay. In 2006 after my mother's ovarian cancer diagnosis, I was put back on a low dose oral contraceptive as a way of leveling off hormone levels to avoid ovarian cancer. I stayed on that for about 5 or 6 years until I took myself off. In 2007 I found two rather palpable lumps, one in each breast. They did mammograms, special view mammograms (more detailed), and an ultrasound. It was suggested that while they appeared to be benign, a needle biopsy was the only way to tell for sure. The biopsy, while no fun, is relatively simple, performed by a radiologist with the help of an ultrasound tech, with lidocaine to numb the area where you feel only pressure for the most part. The lidocaine injections are small needles and feel like bee stings at worst. The whole procedure takes about 30 minutes and you go home with icepacks for a few hours and maybe some bruising, but in light of what it can help you avoid....is NOTHING you should hesitate about out of fear. Meditating on speaking Jesus' name was always a help to me in getting through the biopsies and taking my mind off of what they were doing.
The radiologist felt by the sheer look of the specimen that it was benign but, of course, won't confirm until labs are back in about 3 days. I was relieved to find the two lumps were FIBROADENOMAS, which were solid, but benign. The radiologist and my gyno said that they were estrogen related, but usually dissolve themselves when women go through menopause. I was told that unless they changed or were bothering me, I could leave them alone, or choose to have them removed surgically. Surgical removal would have amounted to a lumpectomy-type procedure on both breasts and due to the size of the right one especially, would cause a definite indention at best. More than that, I was just so relieved and tired of all the testing, that I just wanted to move on and stop worrying about it and opted to not put myself through a surgical procedure to remove benign breast lumps which would eventually go away on their own. I did make a moderate attempt to start a natural vitamin regimen sold by my gyno for about 9 months. They were expensive and I wasn't sold on the fact that they were worth it and eventually stopped. I continued though over the next years to take OTC vitamin D3 which is supposed to be good for cancer prevention. However, I would often fall off the wagon with my daily vitamin taking, just to pick it back up again later.
In 2009, after a mammogram with new digital equipment, they found a microcalcification in the right breast. This was a little scarier, because they can often signify pre-cancerous cells forming. NOT ALWAYS, but again, YOU GUESSED IT, the only way to know for sure is a biopsy. This time though due to the small rice-size of the spot, they would have to do a stereotactic biopsy. I'd never heard of this procedure at the time, but felt like I needed to follow through with it. In a stereo, you lay on an elevated table on your stomach with your breast exposed through an opening underneath where they are compressed in a mammogram while a needle biopsy is performed. One of the hardest parts was not being able to move for about 30 minutes during the procedure. Again, I will just say this. If this procedure can help you avoid future breast cancer, then comparatively speaking, its much simpler. But I will say, it was not an easy procedure to go through and learn from my mistake - DON'T HESITATE TO SPEAK UP AND TELL THEM JUST AS SOON AS YOU NEED MORE NUMBING MEDS. Thankfully again, the results came back as more fibroadenoma cells. This brought up a new issue for me personally as to how much is too much! I openly discussed with the radiologist that while I appreciated the new digital technology that could reveal possible precancerous cells much smaller and earlier, I could not and would not want to go through a stereotactic biopsy every other year just because my breasts were prone to these issues. I'm sure that's when I began to work harder on taking my vitamins, etc. He assured me that it was uncommon for women to have frequent ongoing stereo's. I was just glad it was over and again that the results were negative. Back to regular life.
In Nov. 2010, I had a slight scare with my yearly pelvic exam coming back abnormal and followed through with some follow-up diagnostics with that. It was unnerving to say the least and tiring to have to deal with yet another issue. I had started back to school at that point and was extremely busy and wrapped up in that. It ended up being nothing, PTL, and ironically my mammogram in Nov. 2010 came back clear. I was not even called back in for the usual breast ultrasound to double-check which I'd been so used to. I just remember being thankful since the pelvic issue was on my plate at the time and I even considered it a blessing. The previous fibroadenoma lumps as well as the microcalcification spot had all been marked at time of biopsies, with tissue markers that would show up in subsequent mammograms letting radiologists know those areas had already been cleared as "ok".
SOMETIME in the first few months of 2011 I'm guessing, I began to re-feel on the large fibroadenoma lump in my right breast. This was probably more an occasional habit while in the shower to run my fingers over the lump and think about it. But I found myself doing it more and more often and questioning whether it was indeed changing size/getting bigger, whether it was just hormones causing it to swell then shrink back, or whether it was just my imagination trying to worry...paranoia. NOT wanting to run back to the doctors and very busy in life, I let it go for several months until I began to feel a bebe size lump closer to the nipple area of that same breast. That definitely felt "different", but again, I just questioned myself and postponed it for weeks until my follow-up appt. with my gyno where I would bring it up. In fact to save time off from school, I took charge and scheduled my gyno appt. in the morning, my mammogram after lunch followed by an ultrasound which I knew they would require. I've learned to ask with pleasant insistence for what I want or need instead of just taking the first thing that's offered appt.-wise, etc. ALSO, especially after being in radiography school myself for a year by this time, I did not hesitate to ask for EXTRA lidocaine from the radiologist as he proceeded with yet another biopsy one month later on three new tumor areas in that right breast.
The mammogram and ultrasound in July had shown three areas of suspicion and I was told those familiar words again, that only a biopsy could tell for sure whether they were more fibroadenomas or not. Even at this point, I felt it was probably just the same old benign lumps and I DID NOT want to rush to a biopsy, take time off clinicals, and put myself through the worry. I tried to believe God to just take it away. I was stalling, too. Finally, I decided to take my cd of my mammo and ultra to the clinic where I worked at clinicals in a hope that one of their radiologists would be so kind as so give their student a free second opinion. One doctor did, and told me he preferred to err on the side of caution with these things and recommended I follow through with the biopsy. That helped me to make my decision and I'm so glad I did! Before that I was actually thinking of taking the "watch and wait" approach for 6 months. Who knows where my cancer would be today had I done that.
As I've shared in this blog many times, I'm a Christian and believe and trust in an all-knowing loving God who is more than able to heal in many ways. I'm reminded of the old story about the man stranded on his roof top as flood waters are rising all around. A boat comes along offering him a ride to which he proclaims "No thanks, God will take care of me!" The flood waters continue to rise as a second boat comes by offering assistance to which he refuses declaring "No thanks, God will care of me!". As the waters rise even more and third boat comes by begging him to receive help and he again denies saying "God will take care of me!" The man drowns and goes to heaven where he questions God, "Why didn't you save me?", to which God answers..."Who do you think sent the three boats?"
My gyno told me when I asked years ago, that it was extremely rare for a fibroadenoma to TURN INTO cancer. In hindsight...the fibroadenoma lump being the size it was, at best, helped obscure the new cancer tumors that arose later making me question my earlier decision to leave them in. Also, I would encourage women to talk to their doctor about taking vitamin D3 regularly and be more diligient than I was. Its an easy, healthy, and inexpensive tool in your arsenal against cancer. Finally, be familiar with your own breasts and if you suspect anything out of the ordinary, get it checked out as soon as possible. We can't continue to look backward in our lives, but move forward with courage and thankfulness for a merciful, forgiving God who holds our hand through every hard thing we encounter and uses it to bring us closer to him. Hope this helps someone.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
ON MY NERVES!!
NO... I'm not referring to my wonderful husband whose been by my side everyday so far until yesterday. He resumed traveling this week for his work, but will be back this evening thankfully. His company has been very gracious to him allowing him to stay near home and work out of his home office over the last 7 weeks or so, which has been great. Kenny and my sons, Tyler and Cayler, have been so good to me. I respect the women who face breast cancer with small children in the house to take care of. Lord bless them!
BUT NO...I'm actually talking about real nerve pain, my latest battle. For the last three days I'm having a sharp quickening pain under my left breast and it feels like maybe the expander is rubbing on a nerve. It comes suddenly with no warning and almost brings me to my knees at times. Muscle spasm, maybe, but it feels more like a nerve thing.
My other nerve issue is the same one I've had from the first weeks after the mastectomy. I'm forced to sleep on my back with pillows propping my shoulders and head higher which I guess has pinched a nerve in my pelvic area sending icyhot stinging and numbness down my left side thigh. I shift and shift and prop and prop to take pressure off, but its frustrating. At its worst, it seizes up similar to a charlie horse intensity and I find myself breathing through it like a pregnant women in labor. Boo, hoo, hoo...right? I know. I miss the knock-out drowsy effect of the stronger drug and nausea pill combo I took in the earlier days after surgery, but have tried hard to wein myself off those as early on as possible, only taking one here or there when I REALLY need it. I certainly don't want to regress in that.
IRONICALLY, I found sleeping on the fouton actually helps. I leave it in couch position creating that ditch into which I place a round tube pillow under my back area. It kind of cradles me like a sling I guess.
I'm not big on re-posting all the many Facebook pictures and sayings that get posted everyday, but I had to save the cartoon you see at the left....I could so relate, funny! But having said that, I have about 4 weeks until chemo starts and am determined to enjoy it and do some fun things outside of the house while I can. But not today...headed now to work on insurance and medical bill claims and try to make heads or tails of it all. Fun, fun! Thank God for insurance though, I DON'T take that for granted.
BUT NO...I'm actually talking about real nerve pain, my latest battle. For the last three days I'm having a sharp quickening pain under my left breast and it feels like maybe the expander is rubbing on a nerve. It comes suddenly with no warning and almost brings me to my knees at times. Muscle spasm, maybe, but it feels more like a nerve thing.
My other nerve issue is the same one I've had from the first weeks after the mastectomy. I'm forced to sleep on my back with pillows propping my shoulders and head higher which I guess has pinched a nerve in my pelvic area sending icyhot stinging and numbness down my left side thigh. I shift and shift and prop and prop to take pressure off, but its frustrating. At its worst, it seizes up similar to a charlie horse intensity and I find myself breathing through it like a pregnant women in labor. Boo, hoo, hoo...right? I know. I miss the knock-out drowsy effect of the stronger drug and nausea pill combo I took in the earlier days after surgery, but have tried hard to wein myself off those as early on as possible, only taking one here or there when I REALLY need it. I certainly don't want to regress in that.
IRONICALLY, I found sleeping on the fouton actually helps. I leave it in couch position creating that ditch into which I place a round tube pillow under my back area. It kind of cradles me like a sling I guess.
Monday, October 24, 2011
A GREAT DAY MAKING STRIDES!
MAKING STRIDES Walk for breast cancer was Saturday in beautiful Silver Springs, Ocala, FL...and it was a great, great day for me and my family! Weather was a perfect 70 degrees. I so appreciated my classmates and instructor, Cheryl Sirmons for putting together the team on my behalf, getting the t-shirts made, coming to walk, donating money, and much more. I believe we ended up with around 45 team members in the "DINA'S DEFENDERS" team which included many of our family members, classmates and their family members, church family and friends, and a sweet young cheer squad that cheered us on the entire walk. They chanted lines like, "Come one Dina, you can do it!" I told them I might need them each morning real soon, especially when chemo starts. You've never seen so much pink, and it was encouraging to see all the support for breast cancer survivors at all stages in their journey. To say the whole event was humbling would be a gross understatement. THANKS TO EACH ONE!
Sunday morning found me dead tired still and after debating on taking a break from church, I got dressed at the house alone (my husband and sons had already headed to church) and decided to embrace every single day that I felt half good, knowing there would be many more ahead where I'd sit sick and alone at the house out of necessity. It was a good service and I was glad I did. I was blessed with a gift bag from our Women's Ministry full of goodies like pajamas, a devotional, a snuggie (which I've always wanted but too embarrassed to ask for), and a scrapbook the ladies had started for me complete with a page of signatures and well wishes from each one. It was such a thoughtful and sweet gift. I know I've said this several times before, but I don't take for granted the surprise gifts, many cards, Facebook messages, food and daily calls from my family and friends for myself and my family. I feel very undeserving of such care. Please pray for my friend Donna who's on this same journey as I am. She's weak and sick from her first chemo and needs people to stand in the gap for her. Thank you all.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
HEALING WELL
REPAIR SURGERY Tuesday went well. I was home by afternoon and slept the rest of the day. My sister and niece brought dinner and can't say I remember much else about that day. It felt much better to have the "hole" repaired and secured. Today we spent much of the day in Tampa at both surgeon's follow-up appts. My ps liked the look of the new incision when he took off the bandage. He also removed last Monday's bandages from the right breast and it looked much better too. Ironically, subsequent incision closures heal much faster and nicer than the original ones since the body is already in "healing mode" with all the proper chemical and physiological elements in place from the first time around.
BEST NEWS OF DAY from our gs...axilliary lymph nodes taken out at last Monday's surgery came back clear. He only had to take out another 5 nodes on that day. The arm mapping procedure helped limit the number needed to be removed.
NOW, I have to get back on track with arm exercises and the regaining of my mobility. No more alligator arms. Everything is so tight once again, so the stretching process is no fun, but necessary. This third surgery has delayed my first chemo until 11/28 which gives me about 5 weeks to work on it. That date happens to fall on Kenny's and my 25th wedding anniversary. We are so glad to have celebrated early as a family this summer with a trip to New York which was a great time!
Looking forward this Saturday to "Making Strides for Breast Cancer" Walk. I think we have about 45 enrolled on our team, which is fantastic! Encouraging everyone to be there around 8:30 am on Sat. to get your t-shirts and get some pix taken. Its going to be a special day for me and my family, and a great support for other women fighting this fight.
BEST NEWS OF DAY from our gs...axilliary lymph nodes taken out at last Monday's surgery came back clear. He only had to take out another 5 nodes on that day. The arm mapping procedure helped limit the number needed to be removed.
NOW, I have to get back on track with arm exercises and the regaining of my mobility. No more alligator arms. Everything is so tight once again, so the stretching process is no fun, but necessary. This third surgery has delayed my first chemo until 11/28 which gives me about 5 weeks to work on it. That date happens to fall on Kenny's and my 25th wedding anniversary. We are so glad to have celebrated early as a family this summer with a trip to New York which was a great time!
Looking forward this Saturday to "Making Strides for Breast Cancer" Walk. I think we have about 45 enrolled on our team, which is fantastic! Encouraging everyone to be there around 8:30 am on Sat. to get your t-shirts and get some pix taken. Its going to be a special day for me and my family, and a great support for other women fighting this fight.
Monday, October 17, 2011
KNOCK ME OUT!
TODAY FINDS US FACING YET ANOTHER SURGERY- THIS TIME TO REPAIR! Oddly enough though, we left the plastic surgeon this morning feeling positive and thanking God for a relatively good report. I'll back up. I woke up Sunday morning about to get ready for church when I discovered that my left original incision had split open. I know, I know, you're all grabbing your chest right now. Believe me, I did too! Kenny was almost out the door with his coffee to go teach Sunday School, when our world stopped once again. Obviously the small "crack" from earlier opened up during the night. After possibly getting two surgeons out of bed via answering services, I was told to cover it, keep it sterile and come see my plastic surgeon in the morning. He would then decide how to proceed.
Sunday was a long day waiting and trying not to move the left arm too much and make it worse. It gave me such the "ebee-jebees"! I know going into the medical profession I've seen much worse even in my first year of clinicals, but there's something about it being your own body. We enjoyed the company of good friends in the evening which helped get my mind off of my open chest until I could go to bed. And my sweet sister brought me brownies.
So we headed to Tampa once again this morning to see our plastic surgeon. I was very nervous about what he would say once he saw it, and also quite afraid to hear one of those now common phrases like ..."this might be uncomfortable" after he removed bandages. We had been told by him early on, if there was ever any signs of infection during the months of the tissue expander process, he would have to go back in, take them out, wait until chemo was all done, then start from scratch.
The sermon on the radio going down to Tampa was talking about COURAGE, which is exactly what I needed to hear. I prayed under my breath as we waited once again in that quiet room for the door to open. (Kenny's right - they really DO need to pipe some music in there to take the pressure off). I just spoke the name of Jesus over and over under my breath. The surgeon came into the room with my recent nickname of "trouble" he assigned to me last week. I told him straight up that I was almost nauseas over this as he laid my chair back. THANKFULLY, his first words were that this didn't look too bad to him. It didn't appear to have signs of infection. Contaminated, but not infected at this point, and he felt he'd be able to spare the expanders at this stage. PRAISE THE LORD! But, he would have to fix this and would, of course, want to do it in the O.R. and that I would want to be under anesthesia for it. NO PROBLEM THERE, BUDDY!
So, back down to Tampa Outpatient Surgery Center by 6:15 am tomorrow where he'll open it up, clean and wash it out, check all around, then sew me back up. Oh, and did I mention - KNOCK ME OUT FIRST? We should be back home after lunch, and I DO plan to be at the Walk Saturday, in a chair maybe, but definitely there!
Sunday was a long day waiting and trying not to move the left arm too much and make it worse. It gave me such the "ebee-jebees"! I know going into the medical profession I've seen much worse even in my first year of clinicals, but there's something about it being your own body. We enjoyed the company of good friends in the evening which helped get my mind off of my open chest until I could go to bed. And my sweet sister brought me brownies.So we headed to Tampa once again this morning to see our plastic surgeon. I was very nervous about what he would say once he saw it, and also quite afraid to hear one of those now common phrases like ..."this might be uncomfortable" after he removed bandages. We had been told by him early on, if there was ever any signs of infection during the months of the tissue expander process, he would have to go back in, take them out, wait until chemo was all done, then start from scratch.
The sermon on the radio going down to Tampa was talking about COURAGE, which is exactly what I needed to hear. I prayed under my breath as we waited once again in that quiet room for the door to open. (Kenny's right - they really DO need to pipe some music in there to take the pressure off). I just spoke the name of Jesus over and over under my breath. The surgeon came into the room with my recent nickname of "trouble" he assigned to me last week. I told him straight up that I was almost nauseas over this as he laid my chair back. THANKFULLY, his first words were that this didn't look too bad to him. It didn't appear to have signs of infection. Contaminated, but not infected at this point, and he felt he'd be able to spare the expanders at this stage. PRAISE THE LORD! But, he would have to fix this and would, of course, want to do it in the O.R. and that I would want to be under anesthesia for it. NO PROBLEM THERE, BUDDY!
So, back down to Tampa Outpatient Surgery Center by 6:15 am tomorrow where he'll open it up, clean and wash it out, check all around, then sew me back up. Oh, and did I mention - KNOCK ME OUT FIRST? We should be back home after lunch, and I DO plan to be at the Walk Saturday, in a chair maybe, but definitely there!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
BOUND
TODAY was a beautiful day outside and my mind and spirit wanted to be up and out, but unfortunately my body felt literally bound - bound by contracted muscles that felt like huge rubberbands squeezing my circulation in my arms and chest. VERY PAINFUL AND FRUSTRATING!!!!!! Tried a muscle relaxer script that I had read seemed to help other mastectomy patients, but it did not help and almost made me feel worse.
Kenny and I made it out to Walmart around noon, and I walked around a little zombiesh while he got his hair cut. We planned to take a run up to the nice new library near the Villages, but by the time we were done at Walmart, I was spent. Went home, ate lunch, and went to bed until 6:30. Not the nice day out I had planned. That's okay. Looking forward to church tomorrow. Our new choir sings and I'm praying for a better day physically.
Kenny's Grandma Dot and Aunt Bettye in Chattanooga surprised me my mail with some money. Gram's note said she wanted me to use it to buy my first hat. How sweet was that?
We enjoyed dinner last night just the four of us at an indian restaurant in Ocala. It was a great night out as a family especially since we'd been cooking and eating in more these days. So good to spend time together, even talking about the "9-9-9" plan. My sons are men now and a joy to be with as a mother. I'm a blessed woman, indeed!
Kenny and I made it out to Walmart around noon, and I walked around a little zombiesh while he got his hair cut. We planned to take a run up to the nice new library near the Villages, but by the time we were done at Walmart, I was spent. Went home, ate lunch, and went to bed until 6:30. Not the nice day out I had planned. That's okay. Looking forward to church tomorrow. Our new choir sings and I'm praying for a better day physically.
Kenny's Grandma Dot and Aunt Bettye in Chattanooga surprised me my mail with some money. Gram's note said she wanted me to use it to buy my first hat. How sweet was that?
We enjoyed dinner last night just the four of us at an indian restaurant in Ocala. It was a great night out as a family especially since we'd been cooking and eating in more these days. So good to spend time together, even talking about the "9-9-9" plan. My sons are men now and a joy to be with as a mother. I'm a blessed woman, indeed!
Friday, October 14, 2011
BUSTED (no pun intended)
GLAD this week is over. I'm glad its Friday...even though all day yesterday I thought it WAS Friday. Healing from Monday's surgery is coming along I guess. Right arm is still sore and bruised but I'm working on it. Couldn't go to sleep til 2:30 last night, couldn't get comfortable. I finally got up and watched a Lost rerun episode on Netflix streaming...and I'm still confused (for all you Lost fans, you know what I mean!)
I busted a few stitches open on my "good side" which concerned me. I think I did it while doing my arm exercises with that left arm. Sometimes you feel like you can't win for losing. I'll save you the gory details. When you think of me, just please pray for lack of infection. I started getting freaked out about it, but just asked God to PLEASE heal it, I was not headed to Tampa just to let Docs look at it. If signs of infection set in, I'll have to.
Looking forward to the Making Strides walk next Saturday. So far we have 30 walkers signed up on our team and the weather is supposed to be great. There's still time to sign up if you would like. The team t-shirts are only $7 and are being worked on. You certainly don't HAVE to have a t-shirt to walk with us, but Ms. Cheryl S. was able to get them cheap enough so that everyone could. Any friends from Sumter, please let us know your size and we'll make sure you have one that morning.
Also, several family/friends not in the area have expressed a wish that they could be there. We have set a modest goal of $500 as a team goal and we're a little over 1/2 way there. Making a donation on the website would be a great way to take part from afar and help us reach our goal for breast cancer research. We sincerely appreciate the support in this way as well. Just scroll down inside the "JOIN THE WALK" box to the left of this post, and click on the link. You can make a donation there toward our team goal.
Continued thanks to family and friends for the cards, special gift, and delicious meal this week. Don't ever think the little things don't make a difference to brighten our day...they certainly do...each and every one. If you would, please keep my Aunt Joy and her family in your prayers as she continues to face her yearlong battle with a rare lymphoma. She needs a touch from the Lord and encouragement.
Now I'm thinking I need to get out of this house some today!!! More later.
I busted a few stitches open on my "good side" which concerned me. I think I did it while doing my arm exercises with that left arm. Sometimes you feel like you can't win for losing. I'll save you the gory details. When you think of me, just please pray for lack of infection. I started getting freaked out about it, but just asked God to PLEASE heal it, I was not headed to Tampa just to let Docs look at it. If signs of infection set in, I'll have to.
Looking forward to the Making Strides walk next Saturday. So far we have 30 walkers signed up on our team and the weather is supposed to be great. There's still time to sign up if you would like. The team t-shirts are only $7 and are being worked on. You certainly don't HAVE to have a t-shirt to walk with us, but Ms. Cheryl S. was able to get them cheap enough so that everyone could. Any friends from Sumter, please let us know your size and we'll make sure you have one that morning.
Also, several family/friends not in the area have expressed a wish that they could be there. We have set a modest goal of $500 as a team goal and we're a little over 1/2 way there. Making a donation on the website would be a great way to take part from afar and help us reach our goal for breast cancer research. We sincerely appreciate the support in this way as well. Just scroll down inside the "JOIN THE WALK" box to the left of this post, and click on the link. You can make a donation there toward our team goal.
Continued thanks to family and friends for the cards, special gift, and delicious meal this week. Don't ever think the little things don't make a difference to brighten our day...they certainly do...each and every one. If you would, please keep my Aunt Joy and her family in your prayers as she continues to face her yearlong battle with a rare lymphoma. She needs a touch from the Lord and encouragement.
Now I'm thinking I need to get out of this house some today!!! More later.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
DO WHAT?
I DECIDED to emerge from the bedroom to try the blog. Yesterday was my axillary dissection surgery and it went well. Today does feel like a truck ran over my right arm and chest but sleeping away the post-surgical pain helps. This was obviously less drastic as my last surgery (bi-lat mast) and recovery after surgical was much better. Dealt with nausea on the drive home, but it passed later, PTL!
The worst part about yesterday was the injections for the radioactive tracers into my arm. Kenny's bruised hand will prove that (just kidding...he says it doesn't hurt him anymore). One of the major side effects in removing axillary (armpit) lymph nodes is lymphadema - swelling of the arm as a possible chronic ongoing condition. Some get it, some don't, and the degree varies. But it is something you certainly want to avoid if possible. My surgeon, uses a new procedure where he again injects a radioactive tracer and dye up the arm to "map" out what are breast nodes and what are arm nodes in an attempt to take the breast nodes, but leave in the arm nodes therefore lowering risk of lymphadema.
Lanna, the Nuc Med tech (which happended to be the same tech I had last surgery) came to get me in pre-surgery area. She said to me as she wheeled me down to her dept. that these injections would be "different" from last time, which were in the breast. My immediate thought was "oh, good, because that was rough" - even though she did a great job making it as least painful as possible, and God came through for me. But her face told me, that this would be worse. I'm not going to lie...fear began to set in. I may appear strong, but I'm telling you, I get scared and panicky at times like anyone would. When we got to Nuc Med, she explained that she would be injecting me three times, once between each finger with fingers spread. While the three needles were small gauge, she would have to inject a large amount of cc's right under the skin between the fingers and whatever I do, not to pull or snatch my hand away. She was honest to say, "it's gonna hurt like ____". The reasoning for injecting in that way is so the lymphatic system would go to work right away recognizing that somethings not right and there shouldn't be fluid under the skin like that and then would start absorbing and attacking it quicker than if it were injected into deeper tissue.
As you can imagine, the praying kicked in. I simply told the Lord that I wasn't strong enough and he was going to have to give me his strength. Because of a radio program we had been listening to on our way there that morning, my mind thought about the disciples who each died horribly painful deaths, with no pain meds, no nice techs encouraging them through, no hospital staff looking out for their best interest. While I'm in NO way comparing myself to them, who's suffering was for the cause of Christ, it just helped me to keep things in perspective. My sweet husband allowed me to squeeze his hand with each injection. He only wished he'd given me the non-ring finger hand in hind sight. It did hurt very badly but it did fade away rather quickly and she said I did great not pulling my hand away. Once again, I was praising God for getting me through! So thankful for my whole family being there the whole day with me, which helps so much.
Part of me regrets sharing these gruesome details and I've even complained myself about other bloggers who tell all their war stories, focusing on the negative. I don't want to be that way. But this is the reality of cancer, what it can look like on a daily basis, what it means when you or I hear..."so-and-so has cancer". So I think its important to share some daily details while holding back many more. I HOPE that my blog translates equally the victory and peace of God's hand in it all.
Now, I'll heal once again and get results in about a week. Thanks to Steph and Nettie for the delicious meal we came home to last night and to Cayler's delicious cuban jerk chicken, black beans and yellow rice tonight. Thankful for my husband and sons who get to play nurse maids once again to me. Love you all and appreciate all the sweet and encouraging comments you've each left.
The worst part about yesterday was the injections for the radioactive tracers into my arm. Kenny's bruised hand will prove that (just kidding...he says it doesn't hurt him anymore). One of the major side effects in removing axillary (armpit) lymph nodes is lymphadema - swelling of the arm as a possible chronic ongoing condition. Some get it, some don't, and the degree varies. But it is something you certainly want to avoid if possible. My surgeon, uses a new procedure where he again injects a radioactive tracer and dye up the arm to "map" out what are breast nodes and what are arm nodes in an attempt to take the breast nodes, but leave in the arm nodes therefore lowering risk of lymphadema.
Lanna, the Nuc Med tech (which happended to be the same tech I had last surgery) came to get me in pre-surgery area. She said to me as she wheeled me down to her dept. that these injections would be "different" from last time, which were in the breast. My immediate thought was "oh, good, because that was rough" - even though she did a great job making it as least painful as possible, and God came through for me. But her face told me, that this would be worse. I'm not going to lie...fear began to set in. I may appear strong, but I'm telling you, I get scared and panicky at times like anyone would. When we got to Nuc Med, she explained that she would be injecting me three times, once between each finger with fingers spread. While the three needles were small gauge, she would have to inject a large amount of cc's right under the skin between the fingers and whatever I do, not to pull or snatch my hand away. She was honest to say, "it's gonna hurt like ____". The reasoning for injecting in that way is so the lymphatic system would go to work right away recognizing that somethings not right and there shouldn't be fluid under the skin like that and then would start absorbing and attacking it quicker than if it were injected into deeper tissue.
As you can imagine, the praying kicked in. I simply told the Lord that I wasn't strong enough and he was going to have to give me his strength. Because of a radio program we had been listening to on our way there that morning, my mind thought about the disciples who each died horribly painful deaths, with no pain meds, no nice techs encouraging them through, no hospital staff looking out for their best interest. While I'm in NO way comparing myself to them, who's suffering was for the cause of Christ, it just helped me to keep things in perspective. My sweet husband allowed me to squeeze his hand with each injection. He only wished he'd given me the non-ring finger hand in hind sight. It did hurt very badly but it did fade away rather quickly and she said I did great not pulling my hand away. Once again, I was praising God for getting me through! So thankful for my whole family being there the whole day with me, which helps so much.
Part of me regrets sharing these gruesome details and I've even complained myself about other bloggers who tell all their war stories, focusing on the negative. I don't want to be that way. But this is the reality of cancer, what it can look like on a daily basis, what it means when you or I hear..."so-and-so has cancer". So I think its important to share some daily details while holding back many more. I HOPE that my blog translates equally the victory and peace of God's hand in it all.
Now, I'll heal once again and get results in about a week. Thanks to Steph and Nettie for the delicious meal we came home to last night and to Cayler's delicious cuban jerk chicken, black beans and yellow rice tonight. Thankful for my husband and sons who get to play nurse maids once again to me. Love you all and appreciate all the sweet and encouraging comments you've each left.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
PET/CT RESULTS
THIS was a busy week for us, but some good results. Plastic surgeon follow-up on Tuesday, pretty uneventful. Pet/CT on Wednesday at Lake Medical Imaging. Lots of hugs and familiar faces from the techs and students I miss seeing, and the Nuc Med techs treating me so kind. They even helped me out with a small dose of valium to relax me and ease the discomfort. The needle and injection had to go in the top of my foot which was NOT fun and took two tries, but Ron was gentle and apologetic. The worst part as some might know is the two cups of NASTY drink beforehand. After the initial short CT portion, they let Kenny come in the room with me. The whole time on the table was only about 20 minutes. Not too bad. Then it was on to the Echocardiagram on Thursday at the Lake Sumter Landing office. Again, more welcoming faces and hugs. And again, David, the ultrasound tech was gentle and compassionate and made sure I was comfortable through an awkward test.
Finally, to our oncologist on Friday to get results of Pet/CT and blood work. PRAISE GOD! The Pet/CT showed no other areas of tumor activity throughout the body. It checks from "eyes to thighs". Kenny and I waited anxiously and prayerfully for our oncologist to enter the room. He gave us the news right away as he walked in that the Pet and bloodwork looked good. Sweet words to our ears. The Echo results weren't back yet, the purpose being to test the strength of my heart muscle because one of the chemo drugs I'll be taking for the first 4 rounds is hard on the heart...Adriamycin.
Dr. Wright is working so hard to make everything, travel-wise, as easy on us as possible, even offering to let Kenny give me my Neulasta shot at home instead of making a second trip the day following chemo back down to Tampa just for a shot. I'm still getting used to that idea!!-no offense hun. Any nurses out there want to volunteer? I will have my first chemo on Nov. 15 giving me time to heal after Monday's axillary surgery. Dr. Wright even told me the exact day I can expect to start losing my hair. I'm trying to be okay with that one, but who in the world could be. Ironically, a nice young man complimented me on my hair in a store just this week...if he only knew! Tyler (my oldest son) says to just go for the "Katie Perry blue wig"look. Not quite sure about that one, but who knows. Being Halloween this is the perfect time to pick up some cute, yet inexpensive wigs for about $8 bucks! We'll see.
Mentally, getting ready for Monday's surgery and being knocked back down again. Today I spent most of the day in bed feeling like crap which really ticked me off being my last good weekend for a while. I had big plans to spend the day sorting through insurance forms and the stack of bills that have now begun to form on the counter. Feeling crappy took all the "fun" out of my Saturday plans. My friend Janet said my intestinal and overall yuckiness is probably the last of the PET working its way out. Same happened to her. Hoping for a better day at church tomorrow, and again...thankful for a positive week.
I want to say thanks to everyone for remembering Kenny in your prayers as well when you think of us. This week was an especially heavy one for him. He had the weight of the world on him at moments and he's been so strong for me each step of the way. I remember what its like to be the caretaker. The ordinary cares and demands keep pressing in along with the new crisis you now deal with daily. Thanks to those who've been faithful to reach out to him specifically. It means a lot to him and to me.
Oh, and THANKS SO MUCH for all of you guys - students, family and friends who've already signed up for the Making Strides walk on Oct. 22. Every name that pops up humbles me even more. Love all you guys.
Finally, to our oncologist on Friday to get results of Pet/CT and blood work. PRAISE GOD! The Pet/CT showed no other areas of tumor activity throughout the body. It checks from "eyes to thighs". Kenny and I waited anxiously and prayerfully for our oncologist to enter the room. He gave us the news right away as he walked in that the Pet and bloodwork looked good. Sweet words to our ears. The Echo results weren't back yet, the purpose being to test the strength of my heart muscle because one of the chemo drugs I'll be taking for the first 4 rounds is hard on the heart...Adriamycin.
Dr. Wright is working so hard to make everything, travel-wise, as easy on us as possible, even offering to let Kenny give me my Neulasta shot at home instead of making a second trip the day following chemo back down to Tampa just for a shot. I'm still getting used to that idea!!-no offense hun. Any nurses out there want to volunteer? I will have my first chemo on Nov. 15 giving me time to heal after Monday's axillary surgery. Dr. Wright even told me the exact day I can expect to start losing my hair. I'm trying to be okay with that one, but who in the world could be. Ironically, a nice young man complimented me on my hair in a store just this week...if he only knew! Tyler (my oldest son) says to just go for the "Katie Perry blue wig"look. Not quite sure about that one, but who knows. Being Halloween this is the perfect time to pick up some cute, yet inexpensive wigs for about $8 bucks! We'll see.
Mentally, getting ready for Monday's surgery and being knocked back down again. Today I spent most of the day in bed feeling like crap which really ticked me off being my last good weekend for a while. I had big plans to spend the day sorting through insurance forms and the stack of bills that have now begun to form on the counter. Feeling crappy took all the "fun" out of my Saturday plans. My friend Janet said my intestinal and overall yuckiness is probably the last of the PET working its way out. Same happened to her. Hoping for a better day at church tomorrow, and again...thankful for a positive week.
I want to say thanks to everyone for remembering Kenny in your prayers as well when you think of us. This week was an especially heavy one for him. He had the weight of the world on him at moments and he's been so strong for me each step of the way. I remember what its like to be the caretaker. The ordinary cares and demands keep pressing in along with the new crisis you now deal with daily. Thanks to those who've been faithful to reach out to him specifically. It means a lot to him and to me.
Oh, and THANKS SO MUCH for all of you guys - students, family and friends who've already signed up for the Making Strides walk on Oct. 22. Every name that pops up humbles me even more. Love all you guys.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
THE WALK FOR BREAST CANCER
My how things can change in the span of 12 months!
Last year at this time Dina and I participated in a walk to support the fight against breast cancer. Who knew 1 yr later we would be fighting this battle in our own home.
We were surprised and honored that Dina’s clinical instructor and classmates have put together a team in Dina’s name to walk in the upcoming Strides Against Breast Cancer, Silver Springs Ocala, FL. October 22, 9 am
They are inviting all our friends and family that would like to join Dina and me on that day.
It’s a beautiful leisurely walk that’s shaded and a great ½ day to contribute to a worthy cause.
Please read the message below for info on how to take part in the walk…still have Q’s don’t hesitate to call me!
Thanks to you all for love and support!
Kenny
Below is the email message from her school and a link.
Below is the email message from her school and a link.
The radiology students at MCSRT/CTAE have joined together to form a team in honor of DINA BURNS for the Strides Against Breast Cancer walk. Dina is one of our own, a senior radiology student at CTAE. In August she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Dina has undergone surgery and will begin further treatment by the time the STRIDES AGAINST BREAST CANCER walk takes place on OCTOBER 22. Everything Dina does is with grace, grit and dignity and she is currently fighting this attack in the same manner. Please help us "defend Dina" by JOINING OUR TEAM and walking in her honor Saturday, October 22, 9:00am at Silver Springs theme park.
Sign up to walk with the team and if possible, make a donation in any amount. We are currently working on a team t-shirt. Further information will be sent to team members so sign up asap. Let's have the BIGGEST team at Silver Springs on October 22!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
BRCA 1/BRCA 2
Ovarian cancer is considered the most deadly of female cancers mainly because there is so few warning signs for pre-detection. Unlike breast and other forms of cancer, there is at the time no good diagnostic testing that can detect ovarian cancer early enough to get that jump start; like, for instance, the mammogram. In other words, for most women, by the time ovarian cancer is symptomatic, its already in stage 3 or 4. Such was the case for our mother. She had no symptoms until a gradual loss of apetite and bloating of her abdomen area. Science is currently working vigorously on finding some form of early detection to give women more of a fighting chance against this debilitating cancer.
One of the "back-door" avenues that has become available now, though quite expensive and contraversial, is the gene mutation testing called BRCA1/BRCA2. In very simple terms, this is a blood test offered to women such as myself and my sister who have a family history of ovarian or breast cancer, which are both estrogen-related cancers and connected to some degree. They do an extensive gene mapping of your blood searching for the presence of that certain BRCA1/BRCA2 mutation. This has only been possible in recent years since the incredible progress of DNA and gene mapping. If you are found to carry that mutated gene passed down from a family member, then you are at a much higher percentage of getting either ovarian or breast cancer. If negative for the gene, then you are simply with the general population in terms of your chance of getting one of the cancers.
Since my mom's death, my sister and I have been as diligent as possible to take advantage of the early-detection diagnostics available to us; i.e. mammograms, pelvic ultrasounds every other year, etc. From what the oncologist has told me, now having a breast cancer diagnosis myself, I would now have an 85% chance of developing ovarian cancer also at some point if I was indeed BRCA1/BRCA2 positive. If this were my case, I would most certainly be facing hysterectomy on top of everything else as a preventative measure.
I am thankful to tell you after receiving my test results, that I am NEGATIVE for that gene mutation. This was as you can imagine, very good news for my husband and myself and my sister. I am ALSO thankful for receiving my Aetna confirmation letter that they indeed covered that extremely costly test.
I want to say here that I truly believe that all things are in God's hands, that he is sovereign over all - over cancer, over genes, over failures on our part to do everything just right, over life, and over death. I do not wish to imply that science and medicine is the "final say". As we all know, and good physicians would tell you themselves, that nothing is certain in science and medicine. They are "practicing" to the best of their skill and knowledge and research. Percentages are thrown at you in times like we're facing, based on past patients in our similar situation and how they were affected. But it doesn't mean we will be affected the same. There are too many factors that come into play - the MOST important factor is the hand of God. So while I value the incredible knowledge and progress that's being made and will prayerfully avail myself of every possible breakthrough or treatment option that I discern beneficial, I will constantly know that God is my ultimate healer, and decider of what I will walk through.
He is the Lord; let him do what is good in his eyes. I Samuel 3:18
Sunday, October 2, 2011
FREEDOM
I guess you could say FREEDOM was kind of the "theme" of church today, mainly through the songs that we sung. It was a GREAT day and I DID feel a peaceful freedom to worship God despite all, but also because of so many reasons! One line of this great new song we sang said
...."I want to raise my hands a little higher than before".
This line had a profound symbolic meaning for me in some obvious ways. Still healing from the mastectomy three weeks ago, I have a varied degree of constant pain in my chest and arms and limited mobility, which is why I look a little robotic walking around. The surgeon strongly encouraged me to work on improving my mobility by doing exercises like walking my fingers up a wall higher, and higher, pushing through the pain, and stretching it out even if its painful. Well, lets just say, I've never liked exercise of ANY kind before, hence the treadmill that I just had to have is now in the garage. Why would I now in my current condition want to do something that feels so painful and totally wrong, like the surgeon's lost his mind and obviously doesn't know how much I hurt! But, I have tried to work on it especially in the shower using the warm water to my advantage. I know that its for my good and that if I don't, I will loose (lose? - I never know?) my range of motion and cause shoulder issues down the line.
Its an act of will and determination to do those exercises, just the same as its an act of my will to worship by raising my arms (we happen to be a pentecostal church), or singing, or whatever way you express a sacrifice that symbolizes your attention is on God for that time period. And in the same way...the more I push through my own limitations and stretch myself spiritually, I will gain more FREEDOM!
You want to hear the neat thing?... I may have hurt before I got there and even after it was over, but while I sang and lifted or swayed my arms in my limited fashion, I was feeling no pain, or perhaps my attention was certainly not on it. Either way...FREEDOM!
...."I want to raise my hands a little higher than before".
This line had a profound symbolic meaning for me in some obvious ways. Still healing from the mastectomy three weeks ago, I have a varied degree of constant pain in my chest and arms and limited mobility, which is why I look a little robotic walking around. The surgeon strongly encouraged me to work on improving my mobility by doing exercises like walking my fingers up a wall higher, and higher, pushing through the pain, and stretching it out even if its painful. Well, lets just say, I've never liked exercise of ANY kind before, hence the treadmill that I just had to have is now in the garage. Why would I now in my current condition want to do something that feels so painful and totally wrong, like the surgeon's lost his mind and obviously doesn't know how much I hurt! But, I have tried to work on it especially in the shower using the warm water to my advantage. I know that its for my good and that if I don't, I will loose (lose? - I never know?) my range of motion and cause shoulder issues down the line.
Its an act of will and determination to do those exercises, just the same as its an act of my will to worship by raising my arms (we happen to be a pentecostal church), or singing, or whatever way you express a sacrifice that symbolizes your attention is on God for that time period. And in the same way...the more I push through my own limitations and stretch myself spiritually, I will gain more FREEDOM!
You want to hear the neat thing?... I may have hurt before I got there and even after it was over, but while I sang and lifted or swayed my arms in my limited fashion, I was feeling no pain, or perhaps my attention was certainly not on it. Either way...FREEDOM!
Saturday, October 1, 2011
CUPCAKES MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER
HAPPY for another better day up and around. Even enjoyed getting out to Walmart (I must be sick!) Weather has something to do with it. I'm going to enjoy this next week while I can before the next surgery. I wish swelling would ease up and give me some relief, but I'm glad to be overall learning to push through the discomfort and pain and feeling better over all.
NOW waiting on pumpkin cupcakes with cinnamon buttercream icing to be out of the oven. Love baking with my Sami! We're trying a recipe we made up for Fall, will pass it on if they turn out as good as we're hoping.
Looking forward to church tomorrow and enjoying the love and kind faces of my Christian brothers and sisters. Everyone has been so undergirding and supportive. Then to Beef's to celebrate my brother-in-law's 60th B'day where I know they'll be tons of laughs and story telling with my family. God is good!
OK...the cupcakes came out of the oven and were delicious! I'm adding the recipe w/ a picture on the right side of the this blog page. Enjoy!
Here's the Recipe: Pumpkin Cheesecake Cupcakes
1 box Duncan Hines yellow cake mix
4 eggs
1/3 c. oil
1/2 c. water
3/4 can (14.5 oz.) pumpkin
1 box instant cheesecake pudding mix
1/4 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. all spice
Mix together and bake at 325 for 16 mins. if using the large muffin pans (6)
350 if using normal cupcake size until just done
Icing: Mix 1 can Betty Crocker whipped buttercream icing in a bowl with cinnamon too taste.
Spread on cooled cupcakes.
NOW waiting on pumpkin cupcakes with cinnamon buttercream icing to be out of the oven. Love baking with my Sami! We're trying a recipe we made up for Fall, will pass it on if they turn out as good as we're hoping.
Looking forward to church tomorrow and enjoying the love and kind faces of my Christian brothers and sisters. Everyone has been so undergirding and supportive. Then to Beef's to celebrate my brother-in-law's 60th B'day where I know they'll be tons of laughs and story telling with my family. God is good!
OK...the cupcakes came out of the oven and were delicious! I'm adding the recipe w/ a picture on the right side of the this blog page. Enjoy!
Here's the Recipe: Pumpkin Cheesecake Cupcakes
1 box Duncan Hines yellow cake mix4 eggs
1/3 c. oil
1/2 c. water
3/4 can (14.5 oz.) pumpkin
1 box instant cheesecake pudding mix
1/4 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. all spice
Mix together and bake at 325 for 16 mins. if using the large muffin pans (6)
350 if using normal cupcake size until just done
Icing: Mix 1 can Betty Crocker whipped buttercream icing in a bowl with cinnamon too taste.
Spread on cooled cupcakes.
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