DO WHAT?

I DECIDED to emerge from the bedroom to try the blog.  Yesterday was my axillary dissection surgery and it went well.  Today does feel like a truck ran over my right arm and chest but sleeping away the post-surgical pain helps.  This was obviously less drastic as my last surgery (bi-lat mast) and recovery after surgical was much better.  Dealt with nausea on the drive home, but it passed later, PTL!

The worst part about yesterday was the injections for the radioactive tracers into my arm.  Kenny's bruised hand will prove that (just kidding...he says it doesn't hurt him anymore).  One of the major side effects in removing axillary (armpit) lymph nodes is lymphadema - swelling of the arm as a possible chronic ongoing condition.  Some get it, some don't, and the degree varies.   But it is something you certainly want to avoid if possible.  My surgeon, uses a new procedure where he again injects a radioactive tracer and dye up the arm to "map" out what are breast nodes and what are arm nodes in an attempt to take the breast nodes, but leave in the arm nodes therefore lowering risk of lymphadema.

Lanna, the Nuc Med tech (which happended to be the same tech I had last surgery) came to get me in pre-surgery area.  She said to me as she wheeled me down to her dept. that these injections would be "different" from last time, which were in the breast.  My immediate thought was "oh, good, because that was rough" - even though she did a great job making it as least painful as possible, and God came through for me.  But her face told me, that this would be worse.  I'm not going to lie...fear began to set in.  I may appear strong, but I'm telling you, I get scared and panicky at times like anyone would.  When we got to Nuc Med, she explained that she would be injecting me three times, once between each finger with fingers spread.  While the three needles were small gauge, she would have to inject a large amount of cc's right under the skin between the fingers and whatever I do, not to pull or snatch my hand away.  She was honest to say, "it's gonna hurt like ____".  The reasoning for injecting in that way is so the lymphatic system would go to work right away recognizing that somethings not right and there shouldn't be fluid under the skin like that and then would start absorbing and attacking it quicker than if it were injected into deeper tissue.

As you can imagine, the praying kicked in.  I simply told the Lord that I wasn't strong enough and he was going to have to give me his strength.  Because of a radio program we had been listening to on our way there that morning, my mind thought about the disciples who each died horribly painful deaths, with no pain meds, no nice techs encouraging them through, no hospital staff looking out for their best interest.  While I'm in NO way comparing myself to them, who's suffering was for the cause of Christ, it just helped me to keep things in perspective.  My sweet husband allowed me to squeeze his hand with each injection.  He only wished he'd given me the non-ring finger hand in hind sight.  It did hurt very badly but it did fade away rather quickly and she said I did great not pulling my hand away.  Once again, I was praising God for getting me through!  So thankful for my whole family being there the whole day with me, which helps so much.

Part of me regrets sharing these gruesome details and I've even complained myself about other bloggers who tell all their war stories, focusing on the negative.  I don't want to be that way.  But this is the reality of cancer, what it can look like on a daily basis, what it means when you or I hear..."so-and-so has cancer".  So I think its important to share some daily details while holding back many more.  I HOPE that my blog translates equally the victory and peace of God's hand in it all.  

Now, I'll heal once again and get results in about a week.   Thanks to Steph and Nettie for the delicious meal we came home to last night and to Cayler's delicious cuban jerk chicken, black beans and yellow rice tonight.  Thankful for my husband and sons who get to play nurse maids once again to me.  Love you all and appreciate all the sweet and encouraging comments you've each left.